How can I make time with my partner and I don't just mean sex, I mean time when I'm not tired and we aren't just childminders - Nina

Affectionate elderly couple hugs on the porch


When you say you don't mean sex, you do mean sex right? You have to mean sex right? Because you're a mum now and you need to multitask and sex covers a lot of bases (if you're lucky). It can be one of the fastest ways to reconnect with the person you were before a small human cannonballed head first into your placid coupledom. Sex is one of the few things you'll do in exactly the same way as you did pre baby; it's a double rollover, jackpot of connection, intimacy, support and cardio in twenty minutes, sometimes ten. 

So if I assume that what you're really asking is when do we get to have sex, this is what I'd say - Any. Time. You. Can. Not helpful? *shrugs*. What I'm saying is forget about the times you leisurely undertook intimate encounters with your other half. No one wants to get up before a baby wakes to do something that might lead to another darn baby! 

Go for it as soon as the baby goes to sleep at night. This is commonly experienced as the mummy power hour. You will be so elated that you have time to yourself you can probably work up the enthusiasm! And it also gives your spouse a positive sense of urgency e.g. I can't wait for you to get home as opposed to I can't wait another thirty minutes before I fall asleep. 

Alternatively there's the middle of the night. Sounds counter-intuitive but you have to be up anyway!? And you know you can get some more sleep after. Job done. 

I suppose there's a chance you didn't mean sex, that you and your other half are living it up 50 shades style and you actually want to know about how to get some more quality time together. To that I say, get outta here, go trouble someone else with your 'problems'.

Seriously, consider yourself lucky before you drown in your own hot tub of negativity, but if this quality time thing is really troubling you, it's all about planning. Did you know Barack Obama only wears blue or gray suits. Not coz he's cheap - he wants to limit the amount of decisions he makes in a day. Decision fatigue is a legit business and you don't need any more fatigue. Quality time is not about when you do it, but having exactly the right activity lined up for when the time is right. Have a great bottle of wine, a boxset you've been dying to watch or a board game you both love at the ready so if you find yourselves together and awake you've got your date night planned and you don't spend the whole evening channel surfing and bickering. Unless, of course, that's what you're into. 


The Dad Network

13 comments

  1. Great post!! Love the making the most of it when you can so having bits ready that you know you both will enjoy! Which is definitely a great way to avoid bickering.
    Now don't think I can get away with commenting without mentioning sex. You had me laughing all the way through although only because of the honest reality of it. "Hey we're awake anyway so why not" actually made me laugh out loud.
    Great post and thanks for linking up with us on the #bigfatlinky

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks so much for #bigfatlinky and for your lovely comment, 'having bits ready' made me giggle. I promise I'm not always this smutty.

    ReplyDelete
  3. When you say you don't mean sex you always mean sex! I was unaware of the Mummy Power Hour. Thanks for highlighting this. Thanks for sharing this post and for linking up #bigfatlinky

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fab post huni! But 'Sex' what's 'sex' #IHaveAToddler.... :) X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bahahahahahaha *dead*. Thanks for stopping by hun x

      Delete
    2. Yup, I must have a smutty mind too because I instantly thought you were talking about sex though I may of read this already in a night feed haze (if that was the case it's lucky that I didn't write something very similar and pass it off as my own, I've got a weird fear of doing that). Anyhow next time I'm at a loose end and so is the over half I will try to remember to bonk and not fart about watching crap tele.

      Delete
    3. Ha ha! I love it, can see the to do list 1) Clean fridge drawers 2) Bonk...

      Delete
  5. It does become just one of the chores... we have 3 little ones and just got away for the night for a wedding and the combination of dancing, drinking, and spending quality time together has us like newly weds, strongly recommend. #fromtheheart

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've never heard of the mummy power hour but I like it! #fromtheheart

    ReplyDelete
  7. Brilliant. You're so right. You could run an infomercial. The stars have aligned, the kids are asleep and you have some precious free time. Should you exercise? Should you spend some quality time with your special someone? Should you do something just for the pleasure? The Moderate Mum knows the secret to letting you do all this and more in twenty minutes, sometimes ten.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Twenty minutes?! You guys all have way too much time on your hands ;)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love this post! It actually made me laugh out loud in places :) xxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Haha this post made me to a little out loud laugh! Love it!

    ReplyDelete