How Do I Stop The Guilt? - Mumology Vlog

Parent guilt. It's all consuming. Going out guilt. Having a bath guilt. Guilt. Working guilt. Enjoying yourself when the baby isn't around guilt. How do you deal with it and stop worrying about every aspect of your parenting? - Mumology Vlog


Hey girl hey! How you doing? Your hair sure is bouncy! I hope that lovely greeting helps soften the blow of me telling you that I'm not going to write about how to stop feeling guilty. That
would be like telling Jake Gyllenhaal to stop being a stone cold fox, futile and unnecessary. Parenting without guilt would not be parenting; it would most likely be an all day, booze fueled shopping spree, so as good as that may sound guilt is our faithful friend. Like leg hair it can never be eradicated but with careful maintenence it can be controlled. 

As you point out guilt is a very small word to represent a huge variety of situations. Compare your 'oops I had the last Hobnob' guilt to your 'I swear I just woke up with this tequila and these horses' guilt and you see what I mean. 

We'll cover a few varieties of guilt but first things first, know that tiredness and feeling run down can lead to low mood and low mood is like a steroid to guilt. A relatively minor problem will seem like an intergalatic catastrophe when you're down. So if you're staying up late watching Made in Chelsea on catch up or you've taken on too much because you've been seduced by the filter on instagram life, just cut that out. 

Once you've done the best you can for your personal wellbeing you need to tackle that little troll Guilt head on. First you have your level 1 guilt or Minor Impossible Guilt. These are the small things you feel guilty about but simply cannot change. For example guilt over past actions or enjoying activities that are necessary for your sanity. When you feel this start to bubble up you need a Minor Impossible Guilt Quick Deflection Strategy. I can state on good authority that a Malteser Bunny is the perfect size for this but you've gotta choose whatever makes you feel warm and cozy inside - a cup of hot chocolate, a dance in the kitchen or, go on then, one episode of Made in Chelsea. This action is to remind you that the best way to look after your baby is to look after yourself first.

Your level 2 guilt is the Minor Practical Guilt. These are the things we feel guilty about because we really should be doing something about them but then again it is getting late and I am quite tired and isn't it a full moon, that always throws me off a bit... You know, your exercising, your blogging, your tidying and your ironing. Minor Practical Guilt can only be challenged with action, so when it taps you on the shoulder make the commitment to do one thing. You could do five sit ups or iron one pair of knickers. Just do one thing to show guilt that you've got this covered and all will be done in due course. 

Level 3, is the place we all dread - Big Fat Hairy Guilt. It's the one that wakes you up at night and stops you believing in yourself. It's usually focused on how good you are, or how much you can get done and the wonderful thing is, it's the biggest liar of them all. The last thing you need in your armoury is a Big Fat Hairy Guilt Monitor, a partner or friend that you can call on when Big Fat Hairy comes around. Someone who will listen and then tell you that you're brilliant, because that's all that matters really. They can be at home, on the phone or even online and if you can't think of anyone head on over here, because I think you're fab.

This question came from the lovely Mumology! who vlogs at Mumology Vlog about day to day life with her little family. Unless you're allergic to cuteness check out her trailer and subscribe to her channel. If you have any advice on how to cope with the guilt of parenthood please do jump in the conversation.



Let's Talk Mommy

42 comments

  1. Great advice, thanks for sharing! I often suffer from the mum guilt...I never thought about how it actually serves a purpose before, so thanks!

    #sharewithme

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    1. You've got to find the silver lining :)

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  2. I wrote about guilt this week too, but mine was about Gwenn's speech specifically. I'm really not sure there's anything you can do to stop the guilt. It's almost like a reflex. As soon as you give birth it becomes a part of you. Yay!!! x

    #sharewithme

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    1. Ha ha! Yay, indeed. Oh I'll definitely head over, Roscoe's speech is behind. I try my best to keep the comparison at bay!

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  3. Love your writing style, and some good tips for waning off the guilt although that's almost impossible to do most of the time!

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    1. Thanks, that means a lot! Someone tried to teach me to meditate and would remind me that my thoughts are not reality. That's what I try and tell myself (although doesn't work when the reality of the kit kat ends up on my bum) x

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  4. I wish there was a cure for "guilt" because I think we all feel it. I think sometime we worry about things that our children don't really notice or care about. I feel guilty that I don't do more educational activities with daughter but she honestly just wants me to be play and give her my full attention. She does not care if the house is clean or if I take her music every week. Just try not to be too hard on yourself. You are amazing!

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    1. Excellent point! Our children just want a happy, connected mum. No two year old has ever said, 'This floor could do with a mop.'

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  5. Haha fabulous post, it's so important not to consume ourselves wirh unnecessary guilt! You might enjoy this
    http://www.mummytries.com/guilt-theprompt/

    #sharewithme

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    1. Goood prompt! Great post! I love what you say about pretending all is well when we're 'dying inside' We need to at least be honest with ourselves.

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  6. Great post, you're right we cant eradicate guilt but we have to control it otherwise it just drags us down! #sharewithme

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    1. Thank you! You're so right. You see the way children skip, jump and climb up trees - it's the lack of guilt! :)

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  7. Love this - we all suffer from the guilt thing...just need to accept and get our heads around it rather than let it consume us! #sharewithme

    http://motherhoodtherealdeal.com/

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    1. Thank you! And thank you for keeping it real - love your post on going back to work x

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  8. I feel guilty a lot, it mostly comes from being tired and grumpy and then taking it out on everyone else! Great post! #Sharewithme

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  9. Aww, I'm sure you're very lovable even if you're tired and grumpy :)

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  10. I love this post! Guilt is such a HUGE part of my life most days. If I play too much with my daughter I'm guilty that I'm not cleaning, if I spend too much time on housework I feel guilty over not spending enough time with my little one...it's never ending! I love this approach, it reminds me of my guilt-relieving motto "All I can do is all I can do"

    Glad I found you through the #sharewithme blog hop!

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  11. Yargh! What a wonderful phrase, I need a someone to make a cross stitch of that for me!

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  12. Great advice. I'm ALWAYS feeling guilty about doing or not doing something, and enjoying those moments when I don't have to be mummy first. Time to give myself a minor break! :) #Sharewithme

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  13. Thank you! Totally, breaks are mandatory x

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  14. This is great! Motherhood is full of guilt and then I feel guilty for feeling guilty! Lol xx

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  15. I've suffered from guilt the minute I found out I was pregnant. I spend the majority of my day feeling guilty about something ha x

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    1. Seriously it's like a switch is flicked :)

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  16. I do sometimes feel v guilty when z doesn't want me to go to work and will bribe with toys

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    1. Awww, defo a quick fix is all good sometimes x

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  17. Guilt I think is a part of my being now. I always feel it more than ever. Sometimes I address it, a lot of times I am too busy to mind it. #ShareWithMe

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    1. Thanks for your comment, that sounds like a great attitude x

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  18. Oh I have this every day lol #sharewithme

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  19. Well there's always when we're asleep :) x

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  20. Sound advice - mummy guilt is a bitch!

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  21. Oh the guilt is never ending isn’t it. Fab post lovely xx

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    1. Thank you hun. The guilt is so consistent it's just become another part of my personality :) x

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  22. At least we all have the guilt, it's definitely never ending. Great post I have never heard of mumology vlog but off to check it out as I just started my own too. Newbie vlogger here. lol Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. Happy Easter! #sharewithme

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  23. Really enjoyed this and can really relate - we have barely had a second alone since we had our twins - it is exhausting. Let's see if it can be changed!

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  24. Brilliant advice as usual! Oh and I agree with you on Jake Gyllenhaal! ;)

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  25. Thanks Morgan! Great minds think alike!

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  26. I read somewhere that SAHMs and working mums feel equally guilty for not doing enough. I concluded this guilt thing must be built in in all mums. I have it all the time. You just can't win!

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    1. Oh absolutely! That's why any tension between different ways of parenting is a bit silly, we're all questioning what we're doing!

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  27. Brilliant answer :) I think feeling Mum guilt proves you are a good parent, simply because you care and want to be!

    Stevie x

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