Parent guilt. It's all consuming. Going out guilt. Having a bath guilt. Guilt. Working guilt. Enjoying yourself when the baby isn't around guilt. How do you deal with it and stop worrying about every aspect of your parenting? - Mumology Vlog
Hey girl hey! How you doing? Your hair sure is bouncy! I hope that lovely greeting helps soften the blow of me telling you that I'm not going to write about how to stop feeling guilty. That
would be like telling Jake Gyllenhaal to stop being a stone cold fox, futile and unnecessary. Parenting without guilt would not be parenting; it would most likely be an all day, booze fueled shopping spree, so as good as that may sound guilt is our faithful friend. Like leg hair it can never be eradicated but with careful maintenence it can be controlled.
As you point out guilt is a very small word to represent a huge variety of situations. Compare your 'oops I had the last Hobnob' guilt to your 'I swear I just woke up with this tequila and these horses' guilt and you see what I mean.
We'll cover a few varieties of guilt but first things first, know that tiredness and feeling run down can lead to low mood and low mood is like a steroid to guilt. A relatively minor problem will seem like an intergalatic catastrophe when you're down. So if you're staying up late watching Made in Chelsea on catch up or you've taken on too much because you've been seduced by the filter on instagram life, just cut that out.
Once you've done the best you can for your personal wellbeing you need to tackle that little troll Guilt head on. First you have your level 1 guilt or Minor Impossible Guilt. These are the small things you feel guilty about but simply cannot change. For example guilt over past actions or enjoying activities that are necessary for your sanity. When you feel this start to bubble up you need a Minor Impossible Guilt Quick Deflection Strategy. I can state on good authority that a Malteser Bunny is the perfect size for this but you've gotta choose whatever makes you feel warm and cozy inside - a cup of hot chocolate, a dance in the kitchen or, go on then, one episode of Made in Chelsea. This action is to remind you that the best way to look after your baby is to look after yourself first.
Your level 2 guilt is the Minor Practical Guilt. These are the things we feel guilty about because we really should be doing something about them but then again it is getting late and I am quite tired and isn't it a full moon, that always throws me off a bit... You know, your exercising, your blogging, your tidying and your ironing. Minor Practical Guilt can only be challenged with action, so when it taps you on the shoulder make the commitment to do one thing. You could do five sit ups or iron one pair of knickers. Just do one thing to show guilt that you've got this covered and all will be done in due course.
Level 3, is the place we all dread - Big Fat Hairy Guilt. It's the one that wakes you up at night and stops you believing in yourself. It's usually focused on how good you are, or how much you can get done and the wonderful thing is, it's the biggest liar of them all. The last thing you need in your armoury is a Big Fat Hairy Guilt Monitor, a partner or friend that you can call on when Big Fat Hairy comes around. Someone who will listen and then tell you that you're brilliant, because that's all that matters really. They can be at home, on the phone or even online and if you can't think of anyone head on over here, because I think you're fab.
This question came from the lovely Mumology! who vlogs at Mumology Vlog about day to day life with her little family. Unless you're allergic to cuteness check out her trailer and subscribe to her channel. If you have any advice on how to cope with the guilt of parenthood please do jump in the conversation.