How do you deal with your identity shift once you become a mum? - Stupidgirl45

Hand mirror
Hand Mirror by The Italian Voice 

Great question! It really is a powerful journey. For me it was like going out on the best night ever - Beyonce on decks, free food and drink, snogging the hottest guy there* and waking up the next day happy and hungover. And then the hangover never ends. For anyone still working through the change, here are my tips:

ACKNOWLEDGE IT If you acknowledge it you've completed the most powerful step. A lot of people go into the process of parenting thinking they'll come out exactly the same person with motherhood added to their portfolio. I confess I thought others had been exaggerating slightly on the whole life changing element of parenthood. Emigrating is life changing, bowl you over romance is life changing, a Dermologica microfoliant facial is life changing. People have children literally every day, it couldn't really be that dramatic? 

After nearly two years I am still nothing like the pre baby me. Of course there are similarities - we both hate getting up in the morning, we're both terribly clumsy and we both love a well mixed magarita but they're still different women. The pre baby you has gone. Take her to lunch in her favourite restaurant; raise a glass to her. Say goodbye. 

EMBRACE IT When I got married a few of my more feminist minded friends voiced some disapproval about the fact that I was taking my husband's last name. I had my stock answer ready - the wish for unity, my husband's established career, but in reality I just wanted the opportunity to be someone different. You see Miss Campbell was cool but Mrs Allcott? She was gonna kick butt and take names. Being able to shrug off an identity and slip on another can be so liberating. Rather than seeing motherhood as stripping you of your identity, see it as a sexy burlesque routine, revealing the amazing rhinestone covered mother you are! 

PERFECT IT New identities require some practice. You've really got to move around in it to enjoy the new skin you're in. What does Mum you wear? Not a wardobe of clothes that don't fit but chic comfortable outfits with a nod to her former style. Enjoy trawling fashion blogs to find her new look. What does she eat? Perhaps she used to grab supermarket sandwiches and now she preps big family dinners and eats leftovers for lunch. How does she spend her time? Does she bake? Does she craft? Does she take long walks? She sounds fab! I know you'll enjoy getting to know her. 

Becky This question came from the very witty Becky, who writes at Stupidgirl45. She's a great connector so make sure you stop by and say hello.

 If you have any ideas about how to deal with the identity shift that comes with parenthood please leave them in the comments. If you're a blogger and you'd like to link up with The Moderate Mum please email me at

*my husband obviously! 

Let's Talk Mommy

How do I make a bloggy BFF? - Baker Days (Review & Competition)

Baker Days Letterbox Cake 

Entering the blogging world can feel a little like being dumped in a busy bus station with a packed lunch, a ticket to Bloggersville and no idea where your stop is. People rush past you, their faces scary and unfamiliar. Some don't have time to stop and some are walking in a big bloggy pack so you just wait around looking lost until a very nice commuter says, 'Maybe I can help?'

You've found your fairy blog mother (or father)! My blog mother, and one to many, I'm sure, was Aby from You Baby Me Mummy and once she pointed me to the right place (Stop F, opposite the Costa) I was direct to Bloggersville, picking up bloggy BFF's along the way. So if you still feel like you're still in the bus station here are four tips to bonding with bloggers.

TWEET LIKE NO ONE'S WATCHING -  Sometimes twitter can feel like standing in a shopping centre shouting. Instead pretend you're at a coffee morning with a bunch of really cool people and you might relax a bit. Be yourself and encourage a few tweeps to get to know you better.  

GET LINKY - There's a linky for everything! You've got no excuse not to join the party but even if you don't have the time to participate linkies are a fab place to hang out and get to know bloggers interested in building a community. I regularly stalk my favourite linkies for like minded bloggers.

CHECK THE ARCHIVES - When you find a blog you love, don't forget to dip into the archives. That way you can really get to know the writer and what interests them. It will be easier to connect if you understand what's important to them.

SEND CARBS - Never underestimate the power of carbohydrates. I have not yet found a predicament that could not be fixed with carbs. Baker Days offered me the opportunity to send some cake direct through the letterbox of my chosen recipient. I decided to target the super supportive Misunderstood Mummy. Baker Days letterbox cakes are perfectly proportioned for one or two people. As the name suggests they can arrive through the post just like a birthday, bar mitzvah or blimey are we still married card. 

The Baker Days website is clean, well laid out and very simple to navigate. There aren't loads of bells and whistles which is great - I like a site I can operate after three mimosas. They have tonnes of options including photo cakes for the ultimate selfie and personalised cupcakes. You can make your own design! Any words you want! Swears and stuff! I got this: 

You can edit your cake design on the site and they'll show you a really accurate preview. Whilst your preview is loading a little cartoon baker does a dance. I did this several times because I enjoyed his moves so much. 

They deliver within five days but you can also request an express delivery which is perfect for 'I totally didn't plan anything for you but I still want you to respect me' people like me. Misunderstood Mummy tells me that the cake arrived straight through her letterbox, so no interaction with her dodgy neighbour, and was a delicious tea time treat. I'm sure she'll happily be my bloggy BFF; I'm currently making her a three colour loom band

If you want to dazzle someone with carbs please enter the competion below and make sure you stop by Baker Days to check out that little dancing baker!

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It feels like my 7 month old has been teething since birth but still no teeth? - Eat.Love.Live

Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for children teething. (front)

Teething sucks balls. I'm afraid I have nothing better to offer than that. You came for honesty so let me tell you, everyone is winging it - counting the seconds between Calpol doses, dancing to the Cherokee gods, whatever it takes. When it comes to baby teeth the only reliable apparatus is one wing and one prayer. So here's my list of 5 things that might make enduring teething a little more palatable... at least for as long as it takes to read them:

One of the scariest parts of motherhood is not knowing why anything is happening - Why are they crying? What's that rash? What's that smell? Teething is a one size fits all explanation for all those questions. Not sleeping, it's teeth. Not eating, it's teeth. Poop funny, gotta be the teeth. Babies are often a maddening mystery and every once in a while it's nice to have something to pin their unpredictable beahviours on. 

Teeth are a wonderful lesson in the inevitable variety of life. Some babies are born with steak-ready gnashers; others remain toothless for months and months and then several sprout overnight like mushroom. If you're one of those parents with a tendancy to compare and have convinced yourself that the whilst you're waiting for your tot to roll her peers are reading Tolstoy, just check out their mouths. Babies grow at their own rate and in their own way - teeth are the proof. 

Teething also provides you with some preparation for coexisting with a teenager. You know - snarling, crying and kicking off at the drop of hat and with very little provocation. If you can't find a way to manage the unfiltered emotion of your child when they're small enough to shove under one arm, you will have no chance when they're towering above you and fuelled by supermarket vodka - just sayin'. 

You have another excuse to shop. Bib's are a very practical solution to the inhuman amounts of drool a teething baby can produce but they're also insanely cute. What could be wrong with dressing a small child like a cowgirl? Nothing, that's what. 

If your little one is taking a while to cut them gums at least you're spared the pressure of tooth brushing twice a day. That, my friend, is another ridiculous state of affairs but we'll save that for another day shall we...

This question comes from the lovely K who blogs about life (including teething) with her husband and baby over at Eat.Love.Live. And gives good twitter if you're asking.