Moderate Mum Guide to Year One: A list of people I hated before I conceived

baby congratulations
Baby Congratulations by In Pastel, Flickr

A list of people I hated in the two years before I had my son:

My very pleasant next door neighbour
My sister
Nicole Richie
My amazing friend that supported me through a tough time  
The woman two desks over from me at work
Gywneth Paltrow (okay I still feel a bit iffy about her)

As you may have guessed the common thread between these women, aside from immpeccable dress sense, is that they had babies and I did not. Okay hate is a strong word, I just wanted them to disappear indefinitely.

If you've found yourself here because you're hoping to conceive your first baby or struggling to get on the way with number two or three and you're having similar dark feelings, here's how to try and deal with them.

BE CHILD FREE AND FABULOUS Even though my son was very much wanted there's still a cart load of stuff I wish I could on a daily basis. For example sit and read four chapters of a book. Go for a long solitary walk. Only wipe my own butt for a day. Do all these things in abundance and if it's to your liking include lashings of alcohol and sleep off your hangover in peace.

FIND GREAT ROLE MODELS There are lots of wonderful sane people with no desire to add to the worlds overpopulation. Hang out with them. Have delicious adult conversations about life and love and potential. Be inspired to foster ambitions that might not include children.

BE HONEST Women don't lose their empathy with the placenta. If you're having a bad time just tell your friend that you want to hang out without her mini me accesory, she'll understand (and probably be glad of the break).

DON'T BE ASHAMED TO INDULGE If you need to feel sad, eat Milk Tray and surf the net for the cutest baby gear you can find, go ahead. Don't feel bad about indulging in your sense of loss but take time out to do it and try not to let it consume you. I wish I had known in the years I spent hating Gywneth how many of the gifts that I thought I would gain, I already had. I had so many opportunities to feel joy and to share love and to be nuturing but I couldn't see through the pain. So if there are women in your life that look like they have what you want, try sharing how you feel because the chances are they once hated girls like them too. 

For support on infertility try Infertility Network UK. I love this wonderful post on Scary Mommy about secondary infertility. Lovely uplifting post from Hey Natalie Jean.

The Dad Network


  1. Lovely post. I always cringe when I hear people asking others why they haven't had babies yet as yiu simply don't know the answer. #bigfatlinky

    1. It is odd how freely people ask, especially when a lot of people have struggles and losses. I am nosy so I will sometimes delve into that arena but I'll ask something like, 'would you like to have children?' Rather than, 'so when you gonna have kids then!'

  2. Lovely post. I know the feeling. Before I had the Mini Me, there were people I actively stayed away from as their apparent 'working womb' made me upset / jealous / envious!

    1. Thanks hun, yeah sometimes we need to just swerve those wombs :)

  3. Good advice - and you're right a true friend will understand. Much better to talk to them about how you feel than just avoid seeing them #bigfatlinky

  4. A good post with an important message and one that i am sure will be a great help to others in a similar position or who are friends with someone who is. thanks for sharing this and linking yup #bigfatlinky

    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment! You're a great host x

  5. I can relate to some extent with this as after losing my first baby I couldn't stand anyone who had one thankfully, although my pregnancies came with their issues I now have two very happy healthy children.