What things did you vow never to do as a parent and have done? Run Jump Scrap


So forgive me, for I'm going to indulge in a but of smugface for a second.  I have seen others play that game and fail. If I had a pound for every time I heard someone say that their precious cargo would never touch sugar/ have a dummy/ watch TV only to visit and find the kid propped up in front of the complete works of Disney, dipping their dummy into a bowl of maple syrup, I'd have about £6 and I would really enjoy the chicken burrito I would buy with it. 

Therefore when I fell pregnant I was careful not to make any public declarations, of course I hoped I would make choices that were generally healthy and positive but my main aims were get through it and wear clean knickers. I did make two promises to myself. The first was that I would not expect anyone to care about my child other then myself and my partner; the second was I would not care about the opinions of anyone except myself and my partner. With only two vows, I broke 50% because as much as I try I just can't stop myself from taking on the judgement of others. 

I found having a baby like getting up one morning and accepting delivery of a dragon. You pretty much know all about drgaons, I mean you've heard all the stories - yeah, yeah scales; yeah, yeah fire but when you've suddenly got one in your back garden you realise you don't know anything about dragons! Are they nocturnal? Do they eat humans? So if someone, anyone, can offer you something, you bloody well listen.

I started taking to heart everything anyone said about my son, no matter how uninformed they might be. For example I have a friend, I'll call her Anna because that's her name. Anna's very caring but she's also not British so she does that thing of actually telling you what's on her mind rather than smiling wanely and then gossiping about it with their mates. Whenever I see her she offers me support or advice about my son. It's important to note that Anna has not had children. This doesn't diminsh her opinions in any way, in fact I find the child free to be far less subjective, but there are certain areas of life that you can't have full access to unless you've been there, done that and worn the tena lady. 

In case Anna's reading and that's the kind of friend she is, she'd read this even though the subject is probably as interesting to her as a blog about tripe recipes, I don't want her to stop offering me advice. Sometimes it's been invaluable - like the time I left the buggy cover on him and it ended up steaming up like a Turkish sauna but sometimes I know it's just not right for me, or at least I should. Currently Roscoe is waking at 5AM. The combination of earlier dawns, recent travel and general excitement about life means he can't or won't lie in. When I was sharing (read whinging about) this with Anna she very logically suggested I put him to bed later. Here's the deal, that won't work. Not only will it not work but it would cut into valuable G&T time. Yet despite this knowledge, I took on her words. I let them rattle around my brain like a moth trapped in a porch and the next night, despite my better judgement, I put him to bed just that bit later; resulting only in less sleep for everyone. 

Sadly it's not just Anna, it's the health visitor, it's a woman on the bus, it's my mother. Good gracious, it's my mother. Whilst this certainly isn't my only failing as a mother, it's the one that troubles me the most. I want to teach my son to be true to himself and to do that I really need to lead by example. So for now I have a three step plan for unneccessary advice: 

Say Thank you
Sleep on it 
Blame only yourself when it all goes wrong. 


I'd love to hear what you do with the advice and opinions of others. I'll try not to take it to heart.

This question came from the wonderful Sarah that blogs over at Run, Jump, Scrap and runs the 'Best & Worst' linky that opens every Wednesday.

If you have a question for The Moderate Mum get in touch using the contact form on the left. Don't forget to follow me on Instagram to see what Roscoe and I get up to all day! 

Let's Talk Mommy

19 comments

  1. We put our tot to bed at 6/6'30 and he wakes between 5'30-7. It works for us. I wake up around that time anyway and go to bed really early. We need a little quiet 'us' (ahem beer) time before bed.

    #sharewithme

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    1. I don't really mind the mornings, it's a nice time of day although I find the difference between 5:30 and 6:30 a big shock to my system!

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  2. I said during NCT class 5 years ago that my kid will NEVER eat chicken nuggets- it's his fave food. You aren't the only one who worries about what people think about your kids. It's human nature but I get where you are coming from re not liking it. As with all things just do what works for you guys. :-)

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    1. Thanks hun! Strangely enough I haven't even tried Roscoe on a nugget yet. Must remember to pop them on the next list :)

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  3. I didn't say a lot out loud about what I would and wouldn't do but I have found that my approach has really changed particularly after my second child. I have mellowed and become more relaxed. I am sure there are plenty of new mums who think 'I would never let my child do that' and I am looking at them thinking 'You'll learn'. But to be honest it doesn't matter what other people think. We all judge. It is human nature but the judgements we make tell us more about ourselves than they do about the people we are judging. I wrote a post that elaborates on this called 'Comparing ourselves to other mums'. It is on The Guilt Free Guide .co.uk if you are interested. http://www.theguiltfreeguide.co.uk/comparing-ourselves-to-other-mums/

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    1. Yes, I think things get better with time and confidence. Thanks so much for sharing your post.

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  4. It is so hard not to listen to every man and his dog really about parenting advice! Thing is everyone does it differently. We went through a period of 5am wakes and there was no way we put our girl to bed later! You are right you need some time. We went to bed a bit earlier and got so much more done as we were up early!! Thanks for answering my question!! Lots love xxx

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    1. Thank for stopping by Sarah! I do love being up in the morning, it makes me feel really productive! I just sometimes wish it were my choice ;)

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  5. All my kids are out of control. They basically do what they want and I just try and keep them alive long enough for them to have their own children! My baby sleeps in my bed, feeding all night, my teenage son is up til all hrs and my teenage daughter is up at the crack of dawn; sleep eludes me.

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    1. The idea of trying to keep up with a teenager makes me shudder! Thanks so much for stopping by x

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  6. The Mother says - Your advice is great and I had similar experiences. My personal favourite was a random woman in the ladies toilet at a pub. She's seen us in the restaurant and whilst the OH kept hold of Lucas, I nipped to the ladies. She followed me into the loo and entered the cubicle next to mine and whilst she was tinkling away, she decided to give me advice about why I shouldn't be bottle feeding, using disposable nappies and whether I thought my child had a lazy eye as she thought he did!!!!! That was a wonderful wee for me and yep(!) I got stage fright............. #sharewithme

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    1. Oh my goodness, talk about taking the pee! Oh dear' I think that lady has control issues. Thanks for sharing x

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  7. Some things I swore I would never do include giving Lizzy chocolate, a dummy (which I actually tried but happily for me she didn't take to it!) and co-sleeping! I guess we live and we learn ey?!

    Carolyn
    http://www.stylishmemories.com

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    1. I really, really wanted Roscoe to take a dummy but he always just spat it out. People used to praise me like it was a conscious choice that we didn't use one :)

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  8. Oh gosh I really could make a long list, maybe even a novel of all the things I didn't want to do or said I wouldn't and I have done with either one or the other of my children or even both. As parents we have enough on our plates with the pressures of society in how we should do something and when we finally become parents it should be what we think is best for our little ones and doing our best. I said I would never ever use a binkie (dummy) and I then tried with both of my children to help sleep and it was only by chance that neither would use them. lol Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

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  9. Ha ha! I love that your children helped you to stick to your promise ;) Thanks so much for coming over x

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  10. Argh I find it so hard not to take judgement to heart and I'm definately my own worst critic. I love advice but the kind said in a "you could do this...?" Way rather than "why are you doing that?".

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    1. Yes some people need to work on delivery :)

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  11. Sleeping on it seems a good idea. I think we have all at some point followed advice that we already knew deep down was wrong. #weekendbloghop

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