What if I don't want to be a yummy mummy? - C



Rarely do I return to a submitter and ask for clarification. Mainly because although we dress it up in many forms - crunchy, attachment, tiger - we’re all thinking the same thing: Am I doing it right? So I went back to my questioner and said,

‘Wait, do you actually feel pressure to be a yummy mummy?’ And she said,

‘Yes! Don’t you?!’

So I had a little ponder, first of all I had a think about what this yummy mummy creature actually is. I’m thinking she has the sort of figure that says anything but ‘mother’ maintained through some mysterious, undisclosed process. She may or may not work but she doesn’t have to work. She’s always groomed; she never seems tired. Her children are neat, well behaved and well fed. Her home is tidy and organised. She never eats cold pizza or stays up late watching ‘Don’t Tell The Bride’.

I can say in all honestly that I feel no personal pressure to emulate such a creature. For a start it makes no sense to desire something that sounds like hell on earth. Not the results, yes I’m partial to a beautiful interior and stylish exterior but not when the effort it takes to get there sucks the joy from my life. Look, I sometimes catch a tennis game and I’ll see Serena Williams rocketing around the court and I know how impressive she is but I immediately recognise the years of training and sacrifice it took to get there and I don’t got time for that.

If you don’t want to be a yummy mummy please pat yourself on the back because what you’re saying is, I don’t want to sacrifice things important to me to achieve largely superficial results, and that makes you a great mother. This yummy mummy thing is related to another fallacy that follows women around like a bad smell –  we  can have it all. I’m telling you now that you cannot. Not only can you not, you shouldn’t want it all. Dudes do not sit around worrying about having all of the things like some hyperactive toddler cramming all their teddies into a back pack. They think about having a few really nice things and ignoring the other stuff. This is why they can’t put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket. It’s really very clever. You see for a very long time women had nothing, in many cases women had less than nothing. So we fought and fought and fought some more and eventually society went, okay look have everything if you want it and like fools WE TRIED TO.  

Of course there will be some woman somewhere that effortlessly glides though motherhood looking beautiful and stylish and taking stunning unfiltered Instagram photos and more power to her but if she exists she will never know how wonderful it feels to be offered support from other mothers; she’ll never understand the glow of achievement from setting a goal for your health and body and achieving it; perhaps she’ll never know what it’s like to be so tired that all you want to do is snooze and snuggle and sneak M&M’s into your mouth and just how lovely that feels.

I don’t know about you but I feel kinda sorry for her.


For some tips on doing just enough sign up for my free webinar, ‘The Lost Art of Stay at Home Parenting’ on Monday 3rd August. If you do you can enter the competition on my last post! Don’t forget to come chat to me about how you feel about yummy mummyness on The Twitter.


Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com
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24 comments

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this on #pridelinky
    I too think it's too much effort to conform to someone's idea of being a 'yummy mummy' but I probably categorise a yummy mummy differently in some ways! I think a yummy mummy is a well groomed, well toned mum but she can watch as Don't Tell The Bride as she wants lol! As long as she looks gorgeous when doing so... think Nigella sprawled out watching Corrie with a bowl of Eton Mess!

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    1. My goodness cannot deny the yummyness of Nigella! I think by your definition I could categorise myself as a part time yummy mummy :)

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  2. I agree with Tinuke, some people call me a yummy mummy and I love a pack of m&m on the sofa x

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    1. This is interesting, I mean none of us know what yummy mummys are doing behind the scenes, it's an image we see - the flaws might be hidden. Not that eating M&M's on the sofa is a flaw, ain't nothin wrong with that! Thanks for stopping by x

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  3. Loved this and totally agree. You've got to make your choices in life and I think it's sad that we often feel the need to choose looks over everything else.

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    1. It's natural to think about our appearance but this obsession with youthfulness and a narrow definition of beauty can be so distracting from the important things.

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  4. I agree we can't 'have it all' - by society's standards of what 'all' is. Although right now I do feel I have all I need! ;-) Your definition of Yummy Mummy to me is Stepford Wife/A robot! In real life a yummy mummy (to me) is loving, real and beautiful whether she's dressed to the nine or in sick stained leggings and the beauty is inside. So yeah, I'm Yummy - we all are! ;-) But the crazy version? Nope.

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    1. Wonderful! If you feel you have what you need, you have it all my dear :) I love your definition but I'm not sure how often that imaged is portrayed.

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  5. I really can't stand the term 'Yummy Mummy'. I mean I really loathe it to the depths of my bones, along with all the other cutesy terms like 'Muffin top' and 'cankles' that have crept into language because they're such handy measurements to judge ourselves by. Loved this post and agree wholeheartedly. #brilliantblogposts

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    1. Thanks for your comment Alison! I love how they try to disarm us with the terms, my they sound so harmless ;)

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    1. 😉 Glad I've got a link to your old blog. There's some great stuff in dem archives xx

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  7. I'm with you, I recall writing a post a few years back called 'Not yummy, Not scummy, just Mummy' for the very reasons you stated. I feel no pressure to be anything other than I am. Mich x

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    1. So you did :) http://www.mummyfromtheheart.com/2010/12/not-yummy-not-scummy-just-mummy.html

      We are so complex and beautiful, you're so right we shouldn't be reduced to a label x

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  8. I can so agree with everything you have said here! I have always said that women can't have it all and I don't understand women that try to. If you want to be a great Mum, do it, if you want to be the high power business woman, then do that, but I don't think you can really do both. I often see the yummy mummy as this stick thin, well groomed woman that must have her sh*t together but then I think, something must give for her to have spent all that time on herself.. I could be wrong though! (about to shove a generous handful of chocolate covered raisins in my mouth, so that woman is not me) lol! x

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    1. Mmmmmmm chocolate raisins! I think there's a bit of a conspiracy theory going on. A lot of women aren't honest about the sacrafices they make to get stuff done and that creates pressure for others. That's why I love the internet! People share their experiences and bring out the truth :)

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    2. I think this comment is a little unfair- I'm a doctor with a very successful full time career, I also think I'm a good mum. This manifests in many ways such supporting my husband to be a stay at home dad. I am not at all yummy as I'm exhausted from juggling career and kids but I feel slightly offended by the suggestion that a career woman can't be a great mum.

      Charlene, I love this post- I think yummy mummy is yet another of these terms that implies judgement on others- I do not aspire to be one.

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  9. Do you think a perfectly yummy mummy has things to hide? Surely they can't be that perfect? I agree, there is a lot of work that goes in to being the perceived 'yummy mummy' but does it really lead to happiness? Personally I don't mind leaving the house with my hair a few strands out of place if it means I can spend an extra 5 minutes playing with my hilarious daughter. X

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    1. This is it! It's about priorities. If looking immaculate makes you feel amazing and is a massive boost for your self esteem by all means go for it but then don't try and tell me everything else in your life is ship shape all the time x

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  10. There's probably two camps of yummy mummy. There's the one who feels pressured to be a yummy mummy, have it all and do it all, but is a nice person. And then there is the kind of Yummy mummy who is in essence the competitive mother and marks themselves and others on how they look and are perceived and is probably not a nice person. It used to be a nice term to call someone, yummy mummy, but now it does kind of embody the pressure to be it all and to be shallow really. Plus, to be honest if you say the word out loud, you do sound a bit of a twonk.
    I know someone who is a yummy mummy. and I don't really like her. She's a bit of a bitch really and being around her does make you feel like you should make more of an 'effort.' Which I can't be doing with so I just avoid her, job done!

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    1. It is one of the twonkiest phrases going, one could not describe oneself as a yummy mummy under any circumstances! Defo good to give some of them a serve :)

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  11. Yummy mummy? I haven't heard this phrase before. Maybe it hasn't made it over to the US yet??

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    1. Well I think we got a bit carried away with the rhyming :) Is there a pressure to be a perfect mom over there? x

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