Why Having Children Makes No Sense

Photo by Tom Trapive http://on.fb.me/1fRAPvl

This post goes out to all the parents thinking about another. I know it's crossed your mind. Perhaps someone handed you their plump, placid baby and you've held them gently as you watched your toddler try and scale the curtains. Perhaps you recognise all the ridiculously terrible decisions you've made with the first one and want a second shot. I'm here to say stop the late night debates with your partner; stop asking friend's opinion and googling 'life with three kids'. You've got to go with your gut because here's six reasons why having children makes no sense:

TIME IS MONEY  Whilst the internet has brought about many positive things, no amount of cat videos can make up for the fact that for a lot of information workers the internet means the ability to work twenty four hours a day. Time is money and kids suck time, particularly time when you should be sleeping. It doesn't matter how much harder you work to compensate, there will always be some sucker willing to work longer. A step into parenthood is a step outta the game. 

YOUTH IS POWER  In today's society we place a high value on youth and beauty, please don't try and tell me otherwise when Kim Kardashian earned nearly 20 million pounds last year. Children suck the life out of you. It was only after having my son that I realised that when people say having kids turned their hair grey, they meant LITERALLY. Don't talk to me about wisdom, you don't need wisdom when you have google. 

KIDS COST I can't tell you how many times I've had a conversation with a parent who's told me that their entire wage goes on childcare or the stay at home parent variation of 'I'd work but all my money would go on childcare'. I don't think anyone begrudges paying for their children to be looked after, no one wants bargain basement childcare but really when you imagine having another child, picture a tot just pulling notes from your wallet and ripping them up in their pudgy little fingers.

THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER  The world has become so small, with enough time and money you can explore the furthest reaches of this beautiful earth. As we've already explored kids tap into both of these precious resources and they seriously impede opportunities for amazon trekking, mountain climbing, tequila slamming good times. Having a child is a wonderful experience but so is sipping a mai tai on a white, sandy beach at sunset. Just sayin'.

BYE GRANDMA  With travel being so common it's very likely your kids will leave you before you really start reaping back the benefits. Back in the day you'd all stay in the same village and you could guarantee at least one kid might like you enough to keep you in Wethers. Now they're hot to trot before you can say Ibiza Uncovered.


In short the only reason you should have another baby is because you are inexplicably, uncontrollably, viscerally compelled to do so - anything else is madness.

Give Yourself the Gift of Time - A Serenata flowers giveaway (It's over - you snooze, you lose)

The one thing that new parents long for is time - time to sleep, time to think, for time to reverse itself to pre baby life. When you have a new baby people want to help you out but it can be difficult to organise your thoughts well enough to know what support to ask for. Commonly people offer to look after the baby for you, sometimes this is wonderful but for some parents the circumstances under which they would be willing to hand their baby over are so unfathomable they would sound like the plot of a sci fi novel. So here are some ways to help yourself and others give you the gift of time...

SHOP ONLINE Food, shoes, loo roll - you don't even have to wipe the sleep out of your eyes to get any of them. Make the most of getting things delivered to your door and remember it's fine to ask friends and family to bring you round those little extras to keep you going - pssst chocolate hobnobs.  

BUY READY MEALS Whilst you're at it stock up on some super easy meals. These days you can get instant meals so good that you'll wonder why you bother cooking. 

BEG, STEAL OR BORROW A CLEANER If you can afford a cleaner and some latent guilt is preventing you from booking one in please, how can I put this, get over yourself. It really doesn't matter how your kitchen gets clean, it matters that somehow you reach a basic level of hygiene. If a friend or family member is offering to help that includes cleaning! Stop being so British and give 'em a J-cloth.

HOST EN MASSE Visitors can be really draining - you have to get washed and dressed and follow the thread of a conversation. It's a bizarre set of circumstances in which the people close to you feel duty bound to come and see you and you only care about one human on the planet. Set a specific time for visitors based on when your child is most affable and have as many visitors as you can accommodate come at that time. Not only will they entertain each other but it means more time for yourself when they've cleared off. 

MULTITASK If you can find an opportunity to do two things at once don't pass it up. How about walking with a friend to combine exercise and socialising? And don't miss out on a bath or shower as an opportunity to have some killer pamper and relaxation time. 

To help you make the most of any time these tips have gained you, Serenata Flowers are giving one lucky reader (UK only) a Lavender and Chamomile Relaxation Hamper worth £39.99. As well as a shower set the hamper includes chocolate covered strawberries, salted toffee truffles, caramelised butter fudge and licorice tea. I don't know about you but I gotta whole lotta time for that lovely lot. For a chance to win just comment below telling me what you like to do when you have a few minutes spare. 

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My Random Musings

Advice from the Heart - 25/08/2015

Giiirl, I hear you. 

Thank you so much to those that took part in the first ‘Advice from the Heart’ linky! We’ve loved reading your advice and experience and know that your posts will help and inspire others. We particularly love that there were two posts about reflux, the silent tormentor of many new mums - a very practical guide from Doctomum and a positive, personal experience from My Mummy Spam.

The most frustrating thing about silent reflux is that many of the symptoms – wind, feeding all the time, wanting to be held - sound like a description of, well, a newborn baby.  So when do you know the difference between your common or garden cranky tot and silent reflux? The beautiful thing is often you just know, even with your first child.

Technological developments have meant that in society today we are finding more and more ways to override our instincts. I have a headache, should I slow down or pop a fast acting pill? I’m tired, I can choose to sleep or drink red bull and watch TV. Why not? It can be a time consuming process to tune into our gut instincts. Pregnancy, childbirth and caring for a newborn are such instinctual processes and can be the first time in a long time that a parent has listened to that insistent inner voice.

One thing we hope you find in these posts is some validation about the things you may have been thinking and feeling as a parent. We’d really like you to trust yourself and believe that you know your child like no other. If you think something it wrong it may well be because something is wrong! If it turns out you were right, we’d love to read about it here.

Once again The Moderate Mum and Happy Mama Happy Baby bring you "Advice from the Heart" - the linky that’s like a cup of tea with a friend. If you've got a post that fits, please link up and share the love using the #from the heart hashtag. Here are the rules:

  • You can link up to two posts a week, as long as they offer advice or learning experiences for fellow parents 
  • Please take some time to check out other posts, there's a lot to be learnt! Do leave a comment for the person linking before you and more if you wish. Use #fromtheheart in your comments so they know where you found them.
  • Please add the #fromtheheart badge to the bottom of your linked post and tweet @JulieGDutra and @moderatemum to let us know you've joined and had your link RT'd.
  • The linky will close at 23:45pm on Friday!

Moderate Mum Guide to Year One: What to do when you return to work

There's been a small change on my about me page. Who knew such  a small change could represent such a great shift. I've removed three words - stay at home. Yes this girl is gonna fumble outta bed, stumble to the kitchen and pour myself a cup of ambition because I'm going back to work. Only part time but it still feels like the end of an era. I'm not really worried about Roscoe, to be honest he loves his nursery so much he literally hides when I come to pick him up, but I'm concerned about what it means for me. I've loved this stay at home identity, I've made it my own. I know I can be great at home, I know I can be good at work and now I embark on the daunting task of doing both at the same time. If you're coming to the end of maternity leave here are five tips for returning to work. 

WEAR CLEAN CLOTHES And make sure they fit whilst you're at it. This might come as a surprise but after you've had a baby your body may have changed a little bit. Don't just assume that you can pull out your old work clothes and feel good in them. I also found that when I went back to my pre baby wardobe some of it just wasn't didn't feel like me anymore. Have a good clear out and if you can hit the shops for an inspiring back to work outfit.

GET A MAKE OVER If you wear make up to work, and apparently you should, a make over will make you feel really pampered and also help to mark the transition from baby life to grown up world. I also found my make up needs changed after having my son. I never wore lipstick before having him, to be frank I like snacking too much for it to be worth it, but now I'm always rocking a dramatic lip. It helps me look alive.  I don't think you can do better than a MAC makeover which is £30 but you can spend that on products afterwards but loads of counters are willing to give you that back to work glow. 

HAVE A PICTURE Make sure you get a nice picture of you and your baby on your phone before you go back and think about having it as your screensaver. Not only will you need it for little mini me fixes throughout the day but people will want to see the evidence of what you've been off doing and it's saves time to have it to hand rather than having to scroll through hundreds of breastfeeding shots and selfies (true story) to get to one. 

SET YOUR BOUNDARIES Every parent knows that the job doesn't stop because they're out of your reach, never has the phrase 'out of sight, out of mind' been less apt. That being said if you've committed to your employer they deserve your best so you must let everyone know from the start what you can give and when. If you have to leave at four on the dot to collect the baby then you let your boss know that's what you have to do but in return that means you can't spend twenty minutes discussing bake off, even if it is bread week. 

FIND YOUR PURPOSE Even if you're only going to work to keep your precious in Barny Bears you've got to find a purpose there. For some of us being away from our child needs to be worth it; sometimes we forget we can be the ones to make it so. Perhaps you'll decide to speak up more and develop  your confidence or maybe you'll be more of a team player and strengthen your relationship building. Developing as an individual will only make you a better parent and perhaps those skills will help you when, dare I say it, that little one has become a big one and finally flown the coop. 

If you have any return to work tips I'd love to hear them. If you have any posts with your return to work experiences why not come back on Tuesday for my 'Advice From The Heart' linky co-hosted with Happy Mama Happy Baby

How to make your child feel seen

My Mum found my blog the other day. I say found it, I told her about it. You see when you start blogging it's easy to keep it to yourself but as you become more involved and start spending more time alone with your laptop, unless you want family to think you've got a porn addiction it's best to spill. 

I was getting Roscoe ready to leave her house when I found her reading one of my posts. Holby was on so I considered myself very priviledged. 

'Are you reading my blog?' I said.
She said, 'yes.' 

I  left one of those big non judgemental pauses you're supposed to use to give other people the opportunity to speak, but she didn't. Perhaps, I mused, she is so enthralled that she needs a few minutes to compose a response, but apparently that was not the case. I pouted a little and then I thought, I'm thirty four years old and all I want is to be seen by my primary caretaker that isn't even my primary caretaker anymore. Imagine if you were four and not thirty four and this person was not just mum but the centre of your universe. So here are four ways to make sure that your child feels seen...

DON'T JUST SAY WELL DONE It's too easy to just chuck 'well dones' out willy nilly. If you do this too often, like a lot of platitudes, it starts to lose meaning. Also it's not safe to assume your child knows what you're saying well done for. He's thinking, yes I've built a small tower of bricks but I'm also picking my nose so I'm not sure what to run with for this one. Compare 'well done' to 'well done for being a wonderful engaged parent that remembers to praise their child'. Which one feels better and which one if going to get you to repeat the behaviour? 

DON'T IGNORE THEM AS PUNISHMENT Common advice is to ignore negative behaviour and whilst I agree that the behaviour itself should not be given attention, you've got to tune back in when the behaviour is over. If you want to express to your child you're hurt and sad tell them you're hurt and sad. There's nothing more painful than being ignored by someone you love, it doesn't tell a child their behaviour is bad it tells them they don't matter and when you don't matter you may as well misbehave.

REMIND THEM OF TIMES THEY'VE EXCELLED Remember that boss that could never be bothered to organise your appraisal? You hated that boss. Everyone wants to be reminded of when they did well by someone they trust. It's also wonderful to know that the great things you do last beyond the moment you did them. If someone reminds you of the brilliant things you've done in the past you're more likely to be able to remind yourself when you're feeling a little blue.

NOTICE STUFF ABOUT THEM How thrilling is it when a new friend or someone you fancy notices something unique about you? For example I have ridiculously small ears. It's a genetic quirk, the rest of my family has regular size ears. Usually after a few weeks of knowing someone they'll suddenly announce, 'your ears are tiny!' I love it. I bask in my tiny ears as evidence that I've been seen. Your child might not realise how cute their freckles are or how they always sleep in a starfish so enjoy sharing their beautiful quirks with them.

Do let me know any tips you have for helping your child feel seen. I'd also like to add that I learned all these things from my wonderful mum, it was just a very good episode of Holby. 

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Advice From The Heart - 18/08/2015

Isn't the internet wonderful? So much information, help and advice at the tips of our fingers, just a click or tap away...

But wait.

Why am I looking at videos of kittens when I was trying to find information on weaning my one-year old? As we all already know, although the Internet can tell us everything, it's usually impossible to sift through the mulch and find the golden nuggets of information we actually need and want. Sure, you can ask Google anything but the answers you get will range from the nonsensical to the absurd and back again.

And as a parent or parent-to-be you have lots of questions. Hundreds. Thousands. So you type them into Google but all you get is either a corporate website spouting the same-old-same-old advice or a teenager who's lost his way on a Yahoo Answers thread ("Yuck, babies are gross!"). What you really want is a friendly mum or dad, perhaps someone who's going through the same things you are but has just a bit more experience, or a different approach and is willing to take your hand and guide you through the current rough patch (birth, breastfeeding, teething, take your pick!). You know that there are supposed to be all these bloggers out there, providing exactly that kind of warm friendly advice, but how are you supposed to find them?

Well, thanks to the superpowers of The Moderate Mum and Happy Mama Happy Baby, help is at hand! We hereby proudly and very excitedly present you with "Advice from the Heart" - the linky that is like a cup of tea with a friend. A one-stop shop for mums, dads and parents-to-be looking for pieces of advice from fellow bloggers, from conception to the end of the toddler years. If you've got a post that fits, please link up and share the love using the #from the heart hashtag. So without much ado, here are the rules:

  • You can link up to two posts a week, as long as they offer advice or learning experiences for fellow parents 
  • Please take some time to check out other posts, there's a lot to be learnt! Do leave a comment for the person linking before you and more if you wish. Use #fromtheheart in your comments so they know where you found them.
  • Please add the #fromtheheart badge to the bottom of your linked post and tweet @JulieGDutra and @moderatemum to let us know you've joined and had your link RT'd.
  • The linky will close at 23:45pm on Friday!

Advice From The Heart

Can I have a capsule wardrobe? - Natalie

Sure you can, but you don't really want one. Women think they want a capsule wardobe because they read about it in an issue of Cosmo once but they forget that they've probably had a capsule wardrobe and they hated it - school uniform. 

Yes a capsule wardrobe is just the PR'd word for a uniform and most people don't want to wear a uniform outside a work environment. People who want a capsule wardrobe just have them, without questioning it, because it makes them happy. Wearing a uniform is very logical and many very successful people do it. Firstly it makes you instantly recognisable and immediately says something about who you are, think Anna Wintour or even Simon Cowell but more importantly it saves you time and energy, time and energy you can put into being altogether awesome. 

The thing is, if you're reading here you're probably a parent and therefore not a very logical person. There's no point me selling how sensible a capsule wardrobe is, sensible people don't sign up for 18 years of self imposed sleeplessness and anxiety. No, I'm thinking you probably like the thrill of a new dress wrapped carefully in crunchy tissue paper; I think at one time you've probably placed some new shoes on an open shelf because they were far too pretty to hide.You don't really want a capsule wardrobe, you just want to stop feeling overwhelmed by the wardrobe you have. So here's my five steps to having a not quite capsule but totally dewhelmed wardrobe.

CLEAN OUT YOUR KNICKERS I'm fairly confident that the appearance of your knicker drawer acts as a direct representation to the state of your psyche. A pleasant dressing experience starts from the bottom, so ditch any kecks that are too small, too fancy or too grey. If there's a pair of nice, comfortable, seamless briefs that you find yourself reaching for again and again, for goodness sake put yourself out of your misery and go to M&S and buy three more pairs.

KEEP ONLY WHAT FITS Now that you're having fun with the ditching, keep going. Unless you are currently or have been pregnant in the last nine months only keep hold of the things that currently fit you. Not things that fit the 2002 you or that will totally fit after you take a few spin classes. Don't even keep the things that fit you if you wear them with a long cardigan or hold your stomach in. You want a wardrobe full of clothes that invite you, not mock you.  

END THE DENIAL Seriously the charity shop is going to love you, step out of denial and take those bad clothes with you. You hate your legs, why have you still got that mini skirt? You've only worn that dress once because you can never be bothered to go to the dry cleaners and tie dye is just not coming back. Keep this in mind when you're shopping too, stop buying clothes for the person you used to be or want to be, buy clothes for the perfectly wonderful right now you.

GET A SYSTEM Of course you feel like you've got nothing to wear, it's all in the laundry basket. Unless you stay on top of your washing you'll end up wearing those holey tracksuit bottoms or worse still buying replicas of your crusty favourites. The laundry system doesn't have to be complicated you just have to commit to it. Try The Fly Lady for tips but I like to do a load overnight twice a week, a little bit of folding everyday and ironing on Sundays. 

CHOOSE AN ACCESSORY Part of the reason our wardrobe gets out of control is that we want clothes that reflect our many and varying moods, this is a lot of work for one average woman's innocent wardrobe. Give your clothes a break and let your accessories do the talking. In fact it's fun to choose one accessory and get a variety of, for example, hats to reflect your sexy side, your happy side, your thoughtful self etc. Not only that but people will come to know you as the girl that wears cool hats; hats will kinda be your uniform and if you have a uniform, my darling, you've basically got a capsule wardrobe.

Please offer your tips for wardrobe streamlining in the comments. I love this post from Modern Mrs Darcy on her Accidental Capsule Wardrobe and for the odd glimpse into my not so capsule wardrobe don't forget to follow me on Instagram.

How my worst moment became my best

This is a repost of a guest post I wrote for Claire at Life Ninja Killer Cat and Everything Else...

My son was a good baby. I know you’re not supposed to say that because all children are a gift and labels stick and yadda yadda yadda but seriously the kid was easy. He had his moments of course and he was never a fan of sleeping but during the day he was super chilled – he ate what he was offered and was happy to hang in a bouncy chair for an episode of Bake Off. He was a pretty low maintenance little dude. 

My friends told me, ‘It’s your parenting! It’s because you’re such a relaxed mum that he doesn’t give you much trouble.’ And fool that I am I started to believe them. So when one morning Roscoe woke up as a toddler, complete with an intense need to destroy; an alarming ability to ignore boundaries and an unwavering commitment to refusal, it hit me like a Red Bull laced espresso. To add insult to injury Roscoe also gave up naps, I didn’t even get time to formulate my strategy. I spent twelve hours a day saying, ‘No, Roscoe.’ I gave serious consideration to recording the phrase and having is playing on repeat, I could turn it off for the five minutes a day it wasn’t necessary. I couldn’t believe what my darling, placid baby had become. Gone were the long lunch dates, magazine reading in the park and in their place – endless negotiations, battles and meltdowns (on both sides).

For some reason his new hatred of nappy changing hit me hardest. Perhaps because there was no way to avoid it; perhaps because it was so obviously helping him; probably because no one likes being covered in poop. It was one of those changes that my worst moment came. He has the strength of ten inebriated man. Limbs were flying everywhere and his power move, the head butt, was being employed on a frequent basis. As I tried to restrain him, I could feel the tension rise through my body. A sharp pain pulsed on my right temple. My breathing had become ragged and shallow, ‘No, Roscoe, no,’ I said, ‘No Roscoe, no,’ I pleaded and finally, well and truly at the ends of my wit, ‘Roscoe, stop it or I will…’ I’ll never know what I was going to say next and that’s what scared me most...

I did not know what I was capable of, I hadn’t lost control of my son, I had lost control of the parent I wanted to be. What was I threatening - I will smack? I will shout? I will abandon you? I suddenly realised I was expecting a one year old to be responsible for an atmosphere that it was my job to create, I had an opportunity to flip a switch and I was gonna take it… ‘Roscoe stop it or I will…tickle!’ I launched into the greatest tickle fest man has known and well, who can resist a tickle fest? The tension was released, we both were calm and connected and had forgotten what we were angry about. I had turned my worst moment into one of our best. Now I love when I feel that telltale tension in my shoulders or when my breathing starts to get shallow because they are helpful reminders that I need to stop, connect and find the joy. I don’t even have to think about it because my automatic response is a tickle fest and tickle therapy has proven to be a very restorative process. No matter what when my partner comes back after a long day and asks me how things have been, I can honestly say – we laughed all day.

10 Things They Forgot To Tell Me About Giving Birth

My little family leaving the hospital 

OTHER PEOPLE WOULD BE GIVING BIRTH When they propped me up in my delivery bed all I could hear was the sound of a woman screaming. Maybe she performing some sort of meditative ritual, maybe she was mourning the loss of her youth but I'm pretty sure she was giving birth. Needless to say it wasn't reassuring.

PEOPLE KEEP GOING IN THERE Not long after my husband and I had got the Netflix and snacks set up two lovely midwives rolled in. Did they want to let me know the dinner menu or formally welcome me to the wing? No they wanted to see what was going on up there but, uhm, manually. That happened at what seemed like four minute intervals for the rest of my stay. I couldn't believe, in a world with 3D printing, we haven't worked out a more convenient way to do this but apparently it was a necessary but very bizarre evil. 

YOU DON'T KNOW IF IT'S HAPPENING I was induced. I kid you not my doctor told me that I would be induced at 10am and have the baby by lunchtime. What actually happened was 24 hours of people asking me if I was having contractions. It was my first baby, I wanted someone to ask me something easy like how many shots of vodka make a perfect cosmopolitan. After a while I convinced myself I was totally in labour, I was just the strongest woman that ever lived.

YOU KNOW WHEN ITS HAPPENING Of course then I did go into labour and it hit me like the first day of the Next sales. When I tried to tell the midwife I was actually having contractions it was like I was the woman who cried wolf and she refused to believe me until I told her I was absolutely, categorically going to have the baby, with or without her help.

PEOPLE TALK ABOUT YOU LIKE YOU'RE NOT THERE At one point during the labour I decided the safest place for me would be in the toilet, so I locked myself in (smooth I know). It was kind of beautiful really. I guess I had gone all primal and was trying to find some corner to have my baby like a feral cat. I could hear the midwife and my husband bickering outside the door - her insisting he had to find a way to talk me out and him trying to convince her he was doing his very best. They had this conversation as if I couldn't hear every word they were saying, which would have been amusing if I wasn't in just a lick of pain.

LAUGHING GAS MAKES YOU LAUGH Seriously, it's a riot.

SHIFTS END So 'get her out the toilet' nurse's shift ended at 9:30am and my baby was born at 10:30am. Yes, a woman I had never met held my hand and saw me through the final stages of birth. I loved her. It was a wonderful lesson in how much you can do for someone in a very short amount of time. 

YOU HAVE TO MAKE DECISIONS In the middle of the night I had to sign something. Apparently it was a form consenting to a c-section, should one be necessary. For all I know it was a contract binding me to the adoption of 58 Madagascan lemurs to be delivered to my home on my son's second birthday. 

THEY LEAVE YOU TO IT I don't know what I thought would happen that first night with my new baby - that the staff would sit with me, watch movies and braid my hair? It pretty much went - here's your kid, good luck. 

NOBODY CARES WHEN YOU GO  When we 'checked out' that was it - no red carpet, no party bag. The members of my delivery team were probably at home eating wotsits and chillin' with their Tivo. My baby was just one of thousands of babies and he really wasn't very special. Except he was to us. And that's what counts. 

Friday Frolics

How Do I Get The Spice Back? - Rebecca

Of course we all have different definitions of spice. To be honest the kinda spice I like is smothered over half a chicken but I hear you; there are so many things that it feels like your cute, entertaining child has gone all Fagins gang trainee and casually stolen from you: clear skin, unbroken sleep, nights out and of course any regular or extended opportunities to get down to business. 

First check in with yourself and make sure, particularly if you have a child under twelve weeks old, that you actually want the spice back right now. Do you have the spiritual and physical energy to share anything beyond a Netflix account at the moment. Perhaps you're just having a little mama pity party and decided to let me come along as your plus one. That's okay, we all do it. If this is the case, maybe just give it a while and surely as summer follows spring the spice will return and you'll wonder what you were fussing about. 

If however you're way past the new baby window and you're seriously wondering if everything's still in good working order then here are my five steps to spicing up your life:

NO GREAT EXPECTATIONS In case I didn't make it clear earlier, I'm going to state it in a way that can't be mistaken - babies muck everything up. So whilst it's great to remain positive, keep your ambitions high but your expectations low to avoid disappointment. Time, energy and gravity might all be working against you so when it comes to spice, start with a pinch and add to taste.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF Sometimes we look to others to make us feel good about ourselves and not only is that unfair but it's a dangerous game. When you hand over the power to feel good about yourself to someone else, even someone you love, you risk your emotions being tied to their availability. Eat well, paint those nails, go on get some exercise. Make sure you're feeling tip top and not only will you feel good, it'll be a lot easier to get in the mood. 

MAKE IT EASY I don't want to say give up on romance but if romance is a dance you want it to be less of a waltz and more like The Macarena. No subtlety necessary, just get to the point lady. I mean if you know your other half loves to start a date with a nice steak dinner, cover yourself in rib eye and be done with it.

PENCIL IT IN Actually discuss when would be good for both of you and stick it in the diary between the Tesco delivery and swimming club. I know it sounds really sad and boring to schedule intimacy but newsflash, you're a parent - sad and boring is your M.O. Don't think of it as being unspontaneous, think of it as creating anticipation. It'll be like a week of foreplay! Won't that cheer you up when you're pulling hair out the bath plug.

GO BIG THEN GO HOME I really encourage you to make the best time of the time you have. If you get an opportunity for intimacy please make the most of it, as you may need the memory to keep you for some time. I feel like I'm being overly negative in this post and I really don't mean to be. What I'm saying is you know how wonderful Christmas (or your preferred celebratory) dinner is, it's beautiful but you wouldn't want it everyday. So when the time comes, hopefully you can get away for a bit, definitely you should take your bag of tricks and seriously, get in as many roast potatoes as you can. 

For more advice check out The Happy Couples Guide to Marriage (And Sex) After A Baby and I love 15 Ways to Spice up Your Marriage. If you have a question for The Moderate Mum, please use the contact form to the left and remember, anything goes.  

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com
                                          photo credit: Solanaceae I via photopin (license)