Of course we all have different definitions of spice. To be honest the kinda spice I like is smothered over half a chicken but I hear you; there are so many things that it feels like your cute, entertaining child has gone all Fagins gang trainee and casually stolen from you: clear skin, unbroken sleep, nights out and of course any regular or extended opportunities to get down to business.
First check in with yourself and make sure, particularly if you have a child under twelve weeks old, that you actually want the spice back right now. Do you have the spiritual and physical energy to share anything beyond a Netflix account at the moment. Perhaps you're just having a little mama pity party and decided to let me come along as your plus one. That's okay, we all do it. If this is the case, maybe just give it a while and surely as summer follows spring the spice will return and you'll wonder what you were fussing about.
If however you're way past the new baby window and you're seriously wondering if everything's still in good working order then here are my five steps to spicing up your life:
NO GREAT EXPECTATIONS In case I didn't make it clear earlier, I'm going to state it in a way that can't be mistaken - babies muck everything up. So whilst it's great to remain positive, keep your ambitions high but your expectations low to avoid disappointment. Time, energy and gravity might all be working against you so when it comes to spice, start with a pinch and add to taste.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF Sometimes we look to others to make us feel good about ourselves and not only is that unfair but it's a dangerous game. When you hand over the power to feel good about yourself to someone else, even someone you love, you risk your emotions being tied to their availability. Eat well, paint those nails, go on get some exercise. Make sure you're feeling tip top and not only will you feel good, it'll be a lot easier to get in the mood.
MAKE IT EASY I don't want to say give up on romance but if romance is a dance you want it to be less of a waltz and more like The Macarena. No subtlety necessary, just get to the point lady. I mean if you know your other half loves to start a date with a nice steak dinner, cover yourself in rib eye and be done with it.
PENCIL IT IN Actually discuss when would be good for both of you and stick it in the diary between the Tesco delivery and swimming club. I know it sounds really sad and boring to schedule intimacy but newsflash, you're a parent - sad and boring is your M.O. Don't think of it as being unspontaneous, think of it as creating anticipation. It'll be like a week of foreplay! Won't that cheer you up when you're pulling hair out the bath plug.
GO BIG THEN GO HOME I really encourage you to make the best time of the time you have. If you get an opportunity for intimacy please make the most of it, as you may need the memory to keep you for some time. I feel like I'm being overly negative in this post and I really don't mean to be. What I'm saying is you know how wonderful Christmas (or your preferred celebratory) dinner is, it's beautiful but you wouldn't want it everyday. So when the time comes, hopefully you can get away for a bit, definitely you should take your bag of tricks and seriously, get in as many roast potatoes as you can.
For more advice check out The Happy Couples Guide to Marriage (And Sex) After A Baby and I love 15 Ways to Spice up Your Marriage. If you have a question for The Moderate Mum, please use the contact form to the left and remember, anything goes.