How do I know when I'm ready for baby two? - A Working Mum's Blog



You are ready to have another child mere seconds after you've had your first child. More than half a million people in the UK do this every year when they have a multiple birth. These people manage, I'm not entirely sure how but they cope. Perhaps 'coping' is not the goal you intend for your family but life offers absolutely no guarantees so when it comes to the unpredictable game of parenting I think coping is the most we can aim for. 

I wouldn't be swayed by any crackpot theories regarding the perfect age gap - I know siblings born in quick succession that don't know each others phone numbers and those with a decade between them that are BFFs. If you were lucky enough to have a partner you trust and a reasonably secure lifestyle when you had your first child and those circumstances are relatively unchanged, just got for it. Stop your shilly shallying, that proverbial bus may have just left the depot. I think that when it comes to extending our families we should spend less time focused on when to do it and a little more on when not to. So with that in mind here's how you know when not to have a second child.

Your partner doesn't want to. If for any reason your partner does not want another child, I think it's only fair to respect that. Even if the reason they offer is something as spurious as wanting to retain access to the remote control, it would be wrong to bully, manipulate or oops I forgot to take my pill and I just happen to be ovulating them into another baby. This can be a hard but the loving thing to do is to stay strong, make the best of what you've got and put something big and shiny on your Christmas wish list. 

Another child needs you. I'm afraid priority must go to children currently in existence. If your child has critical emotional needs, it's in your job description to attend to that. I'm not saying they have to be completely independent, I mean my mum's still waiting for that, but adding to an already fraught situation is just setting up a direct debit for trouble.

You're trying to make yourself feel good. Motherhood can make you feel a little superhuman. I question the sanity of women that have baby after baby but I understand the appeal. I felt effortlessly special when I was pregnant. Almost everyone wanted to acknowledge me, all my friends and family had something nice to say. Don't tell me you don't want this when I know you post your dinner on Facebook, and that's okay. However, if this is the only reason you want a baby then invest the thousands of pounds it takes to raise a child on talking therapy. 

You don't really want another child. You're tired, you're busy but you've set a plan in motion and you don't know how to stop it; or you're under pressure from family to spare your little one of the horrific trauma of being an only child (because Leonardo Da Vinci did so badly) If you're happy, just continue to be happy. Sometimes three is the magic number.


Have you stopped at one or are you ready for a second run?
This question comes from A Working Mum's Blog where I recently guest posted. If you're  parent in search of balance her posts would be perfect for you. 



In 2016 I'm starting Mission Acceptance. Want a sneak peak every week? Or maybe a bit of a challenge yourself! Get over here for details #missionacceptance



my petit canard

12 comments

  1. I was ready for baby number two when BB was about 18 months old. It took until the time she was three for that to happen but actually that's the perfect age gap for usx #justanotherlinky

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a great point! Planning for a second child is more of an art than a science.

      Delete
  2. I enjoyed reading this, as we're hoping for a number two baby in the near future. However nothing in life is guaranteed, and if one is all we ever have I won't feel incomplete. I tend to think that having babies is one thing in life that we can't force in terms of timing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for stopping by. I agree that a life spent always wanting more is a life half lived x

      Delete
  3. A lot of great points in this post. There is no such thing as the perfect time, but there are definitely the right reasons for expanding a family. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays, lovely to have you back :-). Emily

    ReplyDelete
  4. Good advice. I got pregnant by accident, despite contraception (& exclusive breastfeeding), by the time the eldest was 6 months old, & didn't even know for 3 months, so all decided for me really. We did want two, fairly close together but not quite so close as that, though, & it's all been fine. They really enjoy each other's company, so it's nice. Happy Christmas! #justanotherlinky

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bloomin 'eck that is a surprise! Glad it all worked out x

      Delete
  5. Great post and a subject I've thought of a lot. I felt ready to have another soon after having SB, but I had to sit back and ask myself whether I wanted to be a mum of two before I was 21. Instead I'm doing my Masters degree, my partner is going to get his teaching degree, and then we're going to try for another. Right now, we're happy as a family of three :) #justanotherlinky

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it sonds like you have a lot on your plate. Hope you have a restful festive period x

      Delete
  6. Great post and advice. I was ready when my youngest was 1 and there is 22 months between my two. They fight but are best friend and this is what is right for us. But I have a friend with just one child who does want another but not right now. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is lovely when siblings have each other and when I see siblings being sweet with one another it makes me reconsider my position. Also how fab when they can play together and give you five minutes peace!

      Delete