Getting Married is Easy


I really, really wanted to get married. My husband was not so keen. I mean he loved me and he was completely committed to me but he didn't see why society had to get involved in that. Let's just say I prodded him once or twice and wed we did. I really, really wanted to have a baby. I know it sounds a bit fruit and nut bar but by the time the broody bus hit me, it felt like a physical need. Luckily my husband was on the same page, so along came Roscoe. That being said, I'm not proud of getting married and I'm not proud of having our baby because, for me, those things were easy. 

Recently I was talking to an ah-mazing woman who has done astonishing things and she was doubting her own success because some fella hadn't put a ring on it. Don't get me wrong I think you should embrace whatever ambition you desire - aim to get married, aim to have twenty babies but make sure those ambitions are your own and not ones thrust upon you by outside forces. 

I think the fetishisation of marriage and popping out babies is a subtle form of misogyny used to limit women and it's one that works. When George Clooney was single he was known for his work as an actor and director and sometimes given a ribbing for being a bit of a cad. When Jennifer Aniston was single at a similar age it was all - POOR JENNIFER, SHE IS SO ALONE, SEE HER EMPTY WOMB.

It's shameful and degrading because where is the skill in getting married or having a baby? By that I mean it's fun to snog in public and eat a bit of cake; it's easy to have unprotected sex with someone you love and fancy but keeping a marriage healthy is a challenge and raising engaged and secure children is a job; co parenting successfully with someone you might prefer never to see again is high five worthy indeed. 

When your mate got married I'm sure you laughed and cried and spent half a months wages on a hotel room and a dress in the Oasis sale but at her four year anniversary did you take her out for lunch and tell her how much you admire her commitment to making it work? When a baby is born there is, quite rightly, much fanfare but when a year rolls by no one remembers to say - happy mummyversary, you're doing a sterling job. 

By celebrating the status and belittling the progress that follows we're still saying to women your goal is to be a prop, a human representation of someone else's worth. Yes I'm a prize, I'm sure my husband wakes up every day, giddy at the fact that he gets to be married to me; I certainly feel lucky to have him. Along the way, however, my feelings of good fortune have given way to pride because of the effort I put into making and keeping our family happy. I don't want another generation to aim to get married, I want them to aim to create the most wonderful, honest, empowering experience for themselves and for others that they can, because nothing worth having is ever easy.

Do you think getting married is easy? 
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photo credit: Lyndsay & Neil via photopin (license)

23 comments

  1. Well said! So true we should celebrate the hard work we put in everyday as mothers and wives.
    Clare x

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    1. Yay! I'm having a little celebration tonight with tea and biscuits ;)

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  2. Poor old Jennifer; she really does get a bit of a media bashing, doesn't she...had actually never thought of the comparison with George...quite unfair indeed. I guess, whatever works, works. Thanks for the insight. #TwinklyTuesday

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    1. Thanks for stopping by. It makes me wince the way women's reproductive choices are such a focus in the media.

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  3. Getting married is easy. It's staying married that's difficult!

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    1. Ha ha! It's like when you're pregnant everyone goes on about labour and labour's a walk in the park compared to the strife my toddler is giving me ;)

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  4. Lol yes you are right, getting married is the easy part. But if it is suppose to be, then for sure it will be easier while you are married. Loved the blog by the way... I think you have to know its the right person, you have to feel it. Anyway enough of the serious stuff lol, I found some of these awesome free stuff baby sites (freestuffbaby.co.uk) loads of good stuff on there.

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  5. Love this post! Marriage / making babies is only the first step - making a success of it is where the hard work begins.

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    1. Thank you! Yes the first step on a challenging (but wonderful) journey.

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  6. agree wholeheartedly. Its the years after the words are said and the party's over when things get hard.

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    1. I think a lot of people struggle in the first year because you feel so high after a wedding and then it's like - now the work begins!

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  7. Amen sista! Your posts always strike a chord with me. I think from now I'm going to make sure to celebrate wedding and baby anniversaries with my friends and family xx

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    1. Lovely! I'm sure it will make them very happy.

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  8. Getting married is not quite so easy when you have a German passport and are trying to get married in Brazil (plus the cakes are terrible)...
    But you are right. I found my son's first birthday was such a poignant moment and I always tell the parents "happy birthday" as well. I'm going to add wedding anniversaries to the list :)

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    1. Ha ha! Yes, when you have to do much hoop jumping I think it shows your commitment.

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  9. So true. I always wanted to get married, but once I found 'the one', I calmed down a bit. But then I needed to stay in the country so there was no wasting time. ;) xx

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    1. Ha ha! Practicalities do inspire romance sometimes :)

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  10. I agree. It is easy to do it but keeping it going is what takes the effort and pride. I say that about marriage and parenthood - although I do think marriage was a lot easier before the kids came along! Now we have to work hard to find time to focus on the two of us without it always being about the kids. Having a night out, just the two of us feels like a military operation! Not that I would change it for a second. #BloggerClubUK

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  11. We had a quiet affair for our wedding. We already had a 2 yr old and, tbh, we were pretty preoccupied with keeping her happy (hence no reception- cranky toddler up late= NIGHTMARE!). What I found weird was how baby #1 is festooned with 1st birthday wishes and gifts whereas baby #2 literally got forgotten ("her birthday is too close to Christmas" apparently). People grow weary of families really quickly. I now find that I only really keep in touch with other parents. I don't know if this is a 'mum thing' as my hubby has no such issue. But then, he's not left literally holding the baby when a night out is offered. I know I shouldn't, but I feel irresponsible if I make plans assuming he will stay at home with them. As such, I'm not a member of any social/dance/fitness clubs or gyms/pools etc. I even feel guilty when I get my hair cut! Being a wife and mum really is hard work!

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    1. It is unfair that people get a bit weary. My sister has three children and my youngest niece's first birthday went with a bit of a whimper, she was pretty upset about it. Although rare I could not survive without my cheeky nights out and my husband and I go through our diaries every week to make sure we schedule the time in. I did find that some of my childless friends withdrew after the baby was born thinking I would not have time for them and were actually up for hanging out! We try and have people round when we can, when the tot's asleep. It's all a major balancing act isn't it!

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  12. This is so true, we never congratulate our friends for getting though a rough patch and coming out the other side stronger and more committed? Why? Are we ashamed? I have no idea! I honestly can't remember if anyone congratulated us on getting through that first year? But we are about to do it again soon so we will see :). Thank you for joining us at #BloggerClubUK, I hope you can make it again next week xx

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  13. Just been reading through your site and I love this post x

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