What did you part with? - Mum for Fun



What is the one thing you gave up when you became a mum that you wish you could have back? And what is the one thing you gave up that you willingly parted with?

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What a brilliant time of year to talk about giving things up! It's the time when we're dropping habits like coins in a slot in Vegas. Of course deciding to give something up is very different to being suddenly forced to part with your entire way of life, as is the case with parenthood. When I was pregnant kind strangers were always pressing upon me the things that I should be doing,

'Make sure you take a holiday!'
'See loads of movies!'
'Get your hair done!' 

It was very odd, I don't go to the hairdressers - I barely have any hair. It took me a while to realise they weren't telling me what I should do, they were telling me what they wished they could do. The one that made me laugh the most were the ones that implored me to sleep, as if there is some sort of sleep banking system and reserves can be pulled from savings when you slip into your sleep overdraft. Of course I do the same now - telling people that have never read more than Heat magazine to spend every minute with their nose in a book. You give up a lot but as you've highlighted many of it you're happy to see the back of.

What I love about this question is that both answers are ones I never would have predicted. I'll be honest and say that part of my motivation to have a child was to quell the tiny nugget of loneliness that had taken residence in my soul. I had a wonderful partner, many inspiring friends and more family than I can count but there was a certain something missing, a niggling darkness, a sort of background anxiety that I could only categorise as that. Becoming a stay at home mum certainly ended any stints of being alone and there was never a second of not being wanted. After only a few days what I missed, more than anything, was solitude. I had never valued how restorative being completely alone was. With a newborn, even if someone does allow you time off, your mind is constantly tuned into the needs of your child. This feeling has faded somewhat but my boy still always occupies a little corner of my mind. Beautifully and terrifyingly I wonder if I'll ever be completely alone again. 

What was I happy to shelf? Without question, Saturday night. Saturday night and Friday night and Thursday is the new Friday night and all the other tenuous excuses for celebration that I used to partake in. For a long time a voice inside me had been telling me that I didn't want to stand in a crowded bar, shouting at people I didn't know and spending money I didn't have but I extinguished that voice with sambuca. I never really thought about not going out but I'm sure if I did I would have felt like I was betraying my friends and my youth and the FOMO is real peeps. With my son came a ready made, catch all excuse for staying in and chilling out and I love it. I really like communicating and it's so much easier to do that in my living room over a cuppa than when trying to project my voice above banging toons. 

This question came from Katrina. Katrina is a full-time working mother. She works as a speech-writer for the second in command at a University, so has to balance two demanding jobs! She lives in Milton Keynes with her 4 year old son and husband. She is obsessed with travelling, audiobooks and going to the cinema. Check her out over at Mum for Fun (www.mumforfun.com).

What were you happy to give up and what were you sad to see go?




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13 comments

  1. What a great question, I never really felt like i parted with anything when I became a parent to be honest, except my figure which I parted ways with at around 5 months pregnant and we are yet to meet again 10 years later ;) #abitofeverything

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    1. Ha ha! I'm so glad you didn't feel you had to give things up.

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  2. I wouldn't mind having an occasional one of those Saturday nights back. A week long vacation someplace warm without the little sounds pretty good right now too

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    1. Brilliant! Saturday night not really worth it, there's still Sunday morning but a holiday - now you're talking :)

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  3. A question worth pondering on! I too really miss my solitude and time for reflection. I feel like it's always a harried existence for me now and I miss being able to just chill and relax without worrying. Now when it gets too quiet too, I become worried. Thanks for linking up with a#abitofeverything

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    1. Ha ha! You really can't win can you. Thanks for stopping by x

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  4. Solitude is so hard to find, I only wish it finds me soon. Hopefully, I don't have to wait for not too long as my youngest Evelyn will be off to nursery in May and so I can have a couple of mornings to myself and I am so looking forward to it. Great post. x #abitofeverything

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    1. Oh those mornings will be so sweet x

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  5. I think the thing I noticed that I parted with most was the excess of time I had to do anything. Now I have to make sure I do the things I want to do promptly and not waste any time - taking advantage of all of the spare time I can get. But that is not a bad thing, I think it has made me more productive.

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    1. Yes, I love the focus it has given me!

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  6. Great questions, and I love your answers. I agree with you about the going out & bars. I actually don't drink and, apart from briefly in my teens, never have, so didn't give that up. But I still used to go out & I don't miss that at all. What probably surprised me the most is that I used to work out & run 5-7 days a week for 2-3 hours. I really liked my exercise, it was a big thing in my life, and it really bothered me not to do it. I had HG in pregnancy so had to give up exercise early on in first pregnancy & I have not returned to it (I have been running maybe 4 times in 3 years). The surprising bit is that I haven't been bothered at all. I wouldn't mind being more toned & would probably still enjoy the stress release of exercise, but I don't particularly care. I don't have time and being with the kids is more important to me. #brilliantblogposts

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    1. 2-3 hours! I was a little bit sick in my mouth then :) I'm surprised by that too, the kids must be making you so happy that they supply you with all the endorphins you need. Whilst I don't go out, can't say it's stopped me boozing so yeah prob need to work on that a little.

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  7. I would have said reading books daily again but I am starting to do that as the kids get older. I can see the back of partying in bars and clubs I never was a big drinker and fighting to find a seat, fighting to a bar to get a drink and not being able talk or hear anyone sounds horrible to me now. lol Great post. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me blog hop. I hope to see you again this week for another great round. #sharewithme

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