Misson Acceptance - Accept you have an inner mean girl

I believed that this week's mission was about my flaws. Having indulged in the very enriching practice of gratitude last week, I wanted to recognise that along with the great things I had going on, I had some not so great things going down, most of which were brought on by myself. My challenge was to ditch my inner mean girl or as I put it in my Mission Acceptance newsletter, I was ditchin the b*tchin. 

I don't think that being mean and a bit gossipy is so bad a crime - everybody b*tches (wonder if REM considered this one) but I was concerned that being a bit snarky might slip from something I did to something I was, whilst my mission is about acceptance that sometimes means accepting what has to go! 

In the past I know I was too invested in being a bit mean; I'd go as far as to say it was part of my identity. I was actually in a group of girls at sixth form that went by the (completely self appointed) name of 'The Council of B*tch' (COB for short). I think it may have been a teenage attempt at some sort of Madonna style reclaim of the word but to be honest we were just girls with parents or imaginations too boundaried to create any gossip of our own. 

It took me a long time to learn that karma is a bigger b*tch than I am and those who talk get talked about. Also I came to understand that I was taking away from others in an attempt to fill something missing in me but all that resulted in was two empty holes. I can't say I made a conscious decision to give it up but I did move towards a healthier way of communicating. I am still uncomfortable with some of the things I have said about people in the past. Not that these are the only regretful things I have said but with other stuff there is some ramshackle pride in the fact that, in the words of every reality TV star that ever lived, at least I said it to their face. I can never undo the things I've said in the past, I consider them the acne scars of my personality, but I can do the work to try and make sure the zits don't return and that's how my no b*tching week came about. 

Being at home with a non verbal child helped considerably and whilst some might say this was cheating I patted myself on the back vigorously for being nothing but kind and generous about others for the first day or two. Then I went out for an evening with a friend and I (obvs) had a bit to drink and the conversation sort of shuffled over to a mutual acquaintance whom we both, for reasons of questionable validity, share a slightly sick strain of schadenfreude about. I caught myself being pulled into a familiar, pretending not to be mean but basically being mean, discourse. I thought about stopping but then I just thought - I'm tired, and I gave in. It happened again a few nights later. I was out with my husband and I wanted to make him laugh but I couldn't be bothered to find something creative to say, so I said something cheap and mean, which made him giggle but made me feel a bit grubby. 

So then I realised, I wasn't really unkind. I didn't need to say mean things, I didn't even like it. It was just a quick fix like dry shampoo or ready meals, a lazy way to get to my destination. I finished the remainder of the week with a fresh conviction. At work, I refused to allow myself to be drawn into any negativity (and believe me there was plenty) and I had some really interesting and valuable conversations. I felt so much more connected with my colleagues than if I'd indulged in pettiness. It's much easier to trust someone that doesn't act in a hurtful way and when I don't act like that, it's easier to trust myself. 

This week was fab, I now know that sometimes I'm mean for no other reason than meanness is easier. I know that joy is not necessarily a given and you can't afford to give away opportunities to experience it but much more that in next week's mission...

Thank you so much for joining me in blogger month. Thank you for those of you that joined Mission Acceptance, they'll be more prizes in the future and being on my list will give you a free pass to them. My last prize of blogger month is an amazing, amazing gift from Ceri Gillet of Content Mum. A blogging mentoring course worth £200 that will help take your site to the next level. See below for more details. 



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16 comments

  1. I just love your Mission Acceptance series lovely. I laughed out loud when you wrote about your high school gang! You're so right about bitchiness being unecessary. It can sometimes be easy to have a cheap laugh at someone's expense but I also beleive in karma and the older I get the more I try and keep to positive vibes going and avoid being a mean girl xx

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  2. The inner mean girl is a bit like the inner Daily Mail reader, you know it's there and it must never be let out as chaos and destruction always follow. Along with the shame! Oh the shame!

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    1. It's a battle I face daily! It's wrong, but there's so much celebrity gossip :(

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  3. Really enjoyed this, it's so true that being a bit mean for a laugh or to join in is something we all do! It's harder to be kind but more rewarding for sure. #BloggerClubUK

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  5. This is really well-written and interesting. I recognise the feeling you describe ank think it's brilliant that you are discussing them so frankly. Well done you fir identifying it and doing so well to control it. You have inspired me to do the same - though I spend most days with very small children too so it is mostly work where I will need the effort! #BloggerClubUK

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  6. I totally have an inner mean girl too. In fact, a lot of the time she is an outer mean girl. As I get older I can rein it in a bit more, but I know it's something I need to work on. I love the phrase "ditchin' the bitchin.'" Definitely one I will be adopting!

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    1. I love that! Outer mean girl. She's probably better, at least she's honest

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  7. This is a very honest post, and I think it's great that you shared it. We all have that inner mean girl, it's about knowing when to let her out. #BloggerClubUK
    Debbie

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  8. Ooo good luck with the competition, i have entered as I could do with all the help i could get!! Your post is very honest I am sure we all got dragged into similar clicks when we were at school. Thank you for joining us at #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again next week x

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  10. We all have some inner mean in us, the trick is to turn it around! #pocolo

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  11. Yes I agree with Carol - we all have some inner mean in us - and agree with you that it's easier and lazy behaviour and choosing to turn it around can be hard, but oh so rewarding. Glad you finished the week on a plus - thanks for linking up to #PoCoLo

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  13. good writing sense i read many post and very few of them inspired me much because those post writing style is great.
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