Last week I talked about saying no. I'm not great at it but I want to be better. I think in order to do this I have to be kind and offer myself far less to say no to. It's like sometimes I ask my kid if he wants a snack and I can see his brain go, grapes! No rice cakes! No biscuit! No sweeties!* Thomas the Tank Engine! Park! Arrrrrgh! When I'm parenting in a more present way I'll say, 'Would you like rice cake or grapes?' Then my boy will reach for the grapes all, I got this.
It's not that I don't spend a lot of time thinking about what I want. I wake up in the morning and dedicate an immense amount of time to deciding what I want for breakfast; I stay up late on ASOS thinking about what bikini I want for a holiday not yet planned. And a lot of the time when I see what I want, I recognise it, the problem is there seems to be a road runner sized chasm between where I am and what I want and I don't spend enough time thinking about the steps I need to take to that bridge that gap.
To help me with this, this week was all about working out where I was wanting. Every day I would write out my big, juicy goals and then underneath I would write down something I could do this month to help me get there and under that something I could do TODAY to get me there.
GOAL: Feel good in my body and with my personal aesthetic
THIS MONTH: Practice yoga daily
TODAY: Read the book I bought on yoga
You see, I carry around with me the thought that I want to feel good in my body but I would never connect that to the action of reading my book. I would have spent the day feeling a bit peeved about the distance from my overall goal and instead I spent the day feeling great, because I had taken a step in the right direction. Writing my wants helped me to build a crazily focused to do list each day because I was basically saying if you could only do one thing today, what would it be?
This made it easy to say no to things because I knew what I wanted and because I always had a great excuse - my big goal. So if someone asked me to spend money I could say, I'm sorry I really want to be financially secure at the end of this year and it didn't even feel like an excuse, it felt authentic.
Here are some examples of my wants this week:
GOAL: Feel financially secure and take husband on holiday
THIS MONTH: Save a fixed amount
TODAY Open a new online savings account
GOAL: Feel consistently connected with my partner
MONTH: Spend more quality time together
TODAY: Cook dinner together
GOAL: Be a present and committed parent
MONTH: Have focused learning session every day
TODAY: Revise my sign language
GOAL: Feel productive, prosperous and professionally enriched
MONTH:Feel more confident promoting myself
TODAY: Wear a bright lipstick
And of course I kept seeing the same 'wants' repeated and that helped to remind me what my priorities are; the wonderful thing about having priorities is if you look after them, they look after you. So I'm not letting go of this mission yet, I still feel I've got so much to learn from it and anyway, I don't want to.
*these are dates - see what I did there?
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