I met a woman recently who was a real horror. Loud, brash and crashing through boundaries like an articulated tank. I'm not usually one for rash assessments, we're all Gods creatures - yadda, yadda, yadda; I mean I do believe there's beauty in everyone and I take time to look for it, sometimes for years. Also, full disclosure, the behaviour of the subject and the observer may have been influenced by the consumption of gin but even that was not enough to reject my findings that this woman was being objectively obnoxious. Why was this an issue, we all have our off days? It was an issue because this girl was introduced to me by her very 'best' friend. Quotation marks required because if this were her best friend, her good friend or even a casual acquaintance she would have got her home with a mug of horlicks quick sharp or at least had a quiet word in her ear hole about the fact she was being intolerable. She did not do this. She laughed, she encouraged and she told this woman that her ridiculous behaviour was funny; she made me understand I need to write a post on why little white lies are weak.
It's lazy. There's more than one way to skin a cat and I'm not suggesting you reach for a rusty razor blade. It can only be laziness that prevents us from formulating a more respectful way to say what comes to mind. For example when your mate asks you if she smells, you don't have to say, 'Yeah love something's rotten in the state of Denmark.' You could say, 'Are you perspiring more than usual? Have you been exercising? You look fab!'
It's cowardly. When can we drop this whole, wanting everyone to like us business? Ultimately it's selfish but mostly it's cowardice - leaving your mate to walk round in a crop top when her crop top days are resolutely behind her is not an act of kindness, it's pure sabotage and it says that fear and not love rules you. Handing out the deep, dirty truth might not always pretty but in the end you, and whomever receives it, will come out stronger.
It's disloyal. During the course of the evening the woman's friend made a deprecating but lighthearted comment about her pal. I recognised it for what it was - a sad attempt to distance herself from her friend's behaviour. I see it all the time, you tell your best workmate she's doing fine and then make a jovial dig about her to the supervisor. You see you don't have the cahoonas to give it straight to your mate but you don't want to be associated with whatever BS she's pulling. Friends have each others back, even if that means telling them about themselves.
It's silly. We're all grown ups. We don't need celestial beings to deliver us pound coins in the night. If you pay your own bills and make your own rules, it's time you got real about stuff. If you can deal with finances, you can deal with facts. They're both the same to be honest - if you don't have enough you will never get what you want. Can we treat each other with respect and place all the cards on the table? Your husband is gay; your kids are unruly; yes your bum does look big in that. They might not thank you but deep down they'll know you're a real friend.
photo credit: Personal Creations one girl whispering secrets to another little girl