I'm a bit of a slut. A lot of a slut actually. Meant in the original sense of a woman with low standards of cleanliness. Actually this is a lie, I have high standards, I just can't be arsed to do what needs to be done to achieve them. If you're someone that feels the same - you would like people to see you as a cool, sexy, accomplished women, without actually putting in any graft, here's my sluttish girl's guide to glamour.
White Sheets. White sheets look divine even on an unmade bed. If you know you're laundry habits can't accommodate white, grey is an acceptable alternative.
Nice underwear. Glamour starts from the bottom up. Even with saggy tracky bottoms on you feel gorgeous if you know you have nice lingerie underneath. Also if anyone is lucky enough to get under those joggers, what a fabulous surprise.
Clothes hamper. A nice wicker clothes hamper hides a multitude of sins. If you have space to go for two, one for dirty clothes and one for clean. We all know 50% of mess is discarded laundry. This system works just as well for clothes, shoes and small children.
Toenail polish. So your friends and family greet you thinking, man is she a hot ol' mess and then you slip off your shoes to reveal perfectly polished toes. Everybody instantly reconsiders the birds nest hair and eyebags, if you've got a good pedi you must have your shit together! This doesn't work with fingernails as they chip too easily and reveal your inner slut.
Mismatched crockey. If like me you break a piece of kitchenware at least once a week, keeping a full set together can be a hassle. I circumnavigate this problem by buying individual pieces from vintage markets - its not chaos, it's curated clutter.
Great perfume. Apparently smell is the most evocative of all the senses.You might look like trash but if you smell like a goddess that's what people will remember. Go for something really decadent like sandalwood so that people imagine you spend your evenings sipping fine champagne rather than horlicks.
Febreeze. If your hamper is hiding all your clothes you might not get round to washing. You can fix this fast with a spritz of Febreeze. This miracle in a spray will give your skinny jeans an extra day's *cough* week's life.
Soft furnishings. The devil's in the details. Get yourself some gorgeous throws and your living space will always look sumptuous. You can also chuck them over mess and hide stains in emergencies.
Red lips. Is there anything more glamourous than red lips? I don't think so. Spend some time finding a shade that suits you perfectly and you will always have a quick glamour fix right in your handbag.
Do you have any other tips for keeping your sluttish ways under wraps?