You don't have gender disappointment, you need to get over yourself



Over at Channel Mum we've been talking about gender disappointment. Whilst this is not something I would wish upon anyone, I don't think it's so big a deal. I mean it's gender disappointment, not gender trauma. I felt disappointed on Thursday when I was informed that Starbucks have discontinued their Rise and Shine muffin but I tell you what, that was 48 hours ago and I'm over that shit.*

You too will get over any gender angst you have, primarily because gender is a construct. I appreciate that this is a very casual statement and perhaps an easy one for a cisgendered woman to make but simply for the purpose of discussing this topic I'm trying to make the point that you actually have a sex preference and if you start saying to yourself and others - I really hope my child has a penis, you'll realise how silly it is.

Have a good think about what you're so attached to. Do you want your girl to have long hair and wear cute clothes? My son has a head of bouncing curls, wears leggings everyday and looks like a rock star. You want a boy so he can play sports and rough and tumble? I mean have all those sanitary towel ads taught you nothing?

At the time that gender preference rears it's ugly head, it has nothing to do with your baby, he or she probably hasn't even developed sex organs yet! Of course it's all about you. In what ways did you feel limited by your gender? What negative experiences have you had with your less favoured sex? What messages from the world have you received about men and women? If you get to the root of these questions, you may find your gender goals shift dramatically. Now this is a case of do as I say and not as I do because I openly and ardently wanted a boy and what I got was a....ROSCOE. Or as his father described him recently a 'gorgeous, strange, train obsessed, beautiful, little bag of autistic joy'. And I wouldn't change that for the world.

If you have experienced or are concerned about gender disappointment please watch my video on why it's a good thing - I swear 'tis guvnor!




Find me on Channel Mum


Gurl, you got me on Insta?

*almost

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

24 comments

  1. I'm so glad you write this. I've struggled watching some of the gender disappointment videos but you just got it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great video, I never really experienced it I had a surprise with baby 1 and it was a girl I was a little bit gutted but extremely happy baby 2 was a boy so I have one of each then with the twins we had a surprise I would have been happy with it or girl. I do know people who have been gutted they didn't get the gender they have dreamed of though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I'm so glad you have been so blessed! Of course people may feel disappointed but in reality you have no idea how another experience would have been, even if your baby 1 had been a boy, he wouldn't have been the same as baby 2.

      Delete
  3. Really interesting. I have to admit I was upset when I heard I was having a boy. Not because I wanted to dress my girl in dresses, almost the opposite. I wanted to raise a strong girl who wasn't prevented doing things because she was female. But you're right, it doesn't matter. I love my son. I'm raising him to be a feminist. I couldn't imagine him not being him! Doesn't really matter what gentiles he has #KCACOLS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well that's a GREAT reason for wanting a girl but you're right in that raising good men is just as important in the fight :)

      Delete
  4. Loooovvvveeee this!! Gender is a construct ! Raid your child how you want penis or no penis ! #kcacols

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha, don't let a penis get in your way :)

      Delete
  5. Interesting post, I haven't experienced or seen much about gender disappointment but I am a big believer in life being a certain way for a reason and so whatever sex your baby is, it is a baby with its own personality and that is a good thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't believe everything happens for a reason but I do believe you can learn from anything, which is the same concept but I'm a glass half empty kinda girl ;)

      Delete
  6. I really enjoyed reading your perspective. As souls I see it as we can embody and be whomever we want. Gender defined roles are for the small minded.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I will be quoting this comment in the near future :)

      Delete
  7. I dont have children so not sure I am fit to comment as such, but I can understand why some people are disappointed when in their mind they have their perfect family x

    ReplyDelete
  8. I absolutely agree with this! Why can't people actually come to terms that they are going to give birth to a perfect human being? Aren't they amazed that they are going to be sole carers of this little bundle of joy that is going to melt your hearts every single time they coo?
    Also I dislike the old school of thought that if its a boy, you're supposed to be all happy and over the moon and if its a girl, they should act normal. What and why??!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I had 3 boys and was never disappointed that I didn't have a girl. Then Grace came along 15 years later, a huge shock to the system x

    ReplyDelete
  10. Gender disappointment is very real for some women and I admit to having a wobble when I found out that after two boys I was having a third one - wouldn't be without him now mind but I genuinely cried when I found out - pregnancy hormones probably

    ReplyDelete
  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Honestly I couldn't have cared less what I had I just wanted to have happy healthy children ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I've never heard of gender disappointment and I didn't really experience it when I had my boy, I would like baby no. 2 to be a girl when the time comes, purely to have the best of both worlds but I don't think I'd be disappointed if I had another boy x #KCACOLS

    ReplyDelete
  14. I know a few people who were 'disappointed' at their 20 week scan to find out what they were having, but have never met anyone who has (admitted) being disappointed after their baby arrives. #kcacols

    ReplyDelete
  15. What?! They don't do the rise and shine muffins anymore... those were my favourite! Agree with you about the rest. Thanks for linking up to #KCACOLS Hope to see you back next Sunday!

    Nadia - Scandimummy x

    ReplyDelete