I said I probably wasn't going to write about my separation because my ex was all, hashtag boundaries but I'm going to bend the rules a little because this isn't really about us, it's about me. It's about the little losses I'm feeling right now, aftershocks following the earthquake. And it's also about you, if you have a partner it's a reminder to stay present and look after the little things because if you're very lucky, the big things will look after themselves.
A COLD CUP OF TEA On mornings when I was struggling with the whole life thing my husband would bring me a cup of tea in bed, a caffeinated nudge and a small act of love. Almost always I would fall right back to sleep and wake thirty minutes later to something cold and film covered. This was the best bit, knowing that someone cared for me enough to make me tea that I would forsake.
SITTING IN SILENCE WITH SOMEONE I'm an introvert of sorts, I love people but I do find the experience of interaction draining sometimes. For a person like me it is wonderful to be with someone and feel no pressure to say or be anything.
MY SNACKS GOING MISSING My ex is a very healthy eater, I am not. The cupboards were a food war with quinoa jostling up against Monster Munch. Sometimes I would come home to find that my biscuits had been snaffled or a Terry's Chocolate Orange had found its way out of the fridge. I take a slightly sick pleasure out of corrupting people and it saved me some calories.
TEN MINUTES Raising toddlers is like living through a storm, you try and plan for it but you really have no idea what destruction will ensue. Having someone to whom you can say, please just take the child so I can pee/get milk/stand in the garden and cry, well that's shelter from the storm.
POCKETS Why don't chicks clothes have pockets? Infuriatingly many of them tease you with fake pockets. Sometimes you don't have a bag that goes with your outfit and you need somewhere for your phone and your lip balm, that somewhere was my husband.
WORK ANGST ABSORPTION No one cares about the petty dramas of your working day except the people that work with but you can't talk to them about it because that would be like, so unprofessional. Your partner is contractually obliged to pretend to care about that nonsense and now I'm practically bursting with unexpressed office angst; so if anyone wants to hear about what Dave turned 'round and said to me on my last shift, drop me a line.
SNORING My husband snored sometimes (all the time but he'll want me to play it down). It was so annoying. Sometimes I'd go to bed first praying I would be unconscious before the evening's snuffling commenced, I never was. Now I miss the steady rhythm of the sound, like nature's white noise machine, reminding me that even in the dark, even in his sleep, he was always there.
If you are going through a separation or divorce here's a video what I did on how we're trying to co-parent positively.
Women I love writing about separation: