7 things I miss about my marriage



I said I probably wasn't going to write about my separation because my ex was all, hashtag boundaries but I'm going to bend the rules a little because this isn't really about us, it's about me. It's about the little losses I'm feeling right now, aftershocks following the earthquake. And it's also about you, if you have a partner it's a reminder to stay present and look after the little things because if you're very lucky, the big things will look after themselves. 

A COLD CUP OF TEA On mornings when I was struggling with the whole life thing my husband would bring me a cup of tea in bed, a caffeinated nudge and a small act of love. Almost always I would fall right back to sleep and wake thirty minutes later to something cold and film covered. This was the best bit, knowing that someone cared for me enough to make me tea that I would forsake. 

SITTING IN SILENCE WITH SOMEONE I'm an introvert of sorts, I love people but I do find the experience of interaction draining sometimes. For a person like me it is wonderful to be with someone and feel no pressure to say or be anything. 

MY SNACKS GOING MISSING My ex is a very healthy eater, I am not. The cupboards were a food war with quinoa jostling up against Monster Munch. Sometimes I would come home to find that my biscuits had been snaffled or a Terry's Chocolate Orange had found its way out of the fridge. I take a slightly sick pleasure out of corrupting people and it saved me some calories. 

TEN MINUTES Raising toddlers is like living through a storm, you try and plan for it but you really have no idea what destruction will ensue. Having someone to whom you can say, please just take the child so I can pee/get milk/stand in the garden and cry, well that's shelter from the storm. 

POCKETS Why don't chicks clothes have pockets? Infuriatingly many of them tease you with fake pockets. Sometimes you don't have a bag that goes with your outfit and you need somewhere for your phone and your lip balm, that somewhere was my husband.

WORK ANGST ABSORPTION No one cares about the petty dramas of your working day except the people that work with but you can't talk to them about it because that would be like, so unprofessional. Your partner is contractually obliged to pretend to care about that nonsense and now I'm practically bursting with unexpressed office angst; so if anyone wants to hear about what Dave turned 'round and said to me on my last shift, drop me a line. 

SNORING My husband snored sometimes (all the time but he'll want me to play it down). It was so annoying. Sometimes I'd go to bed first praying I would be unconscious before the evening's snuffling commenced, I never was. Now I miss the steady rhythm of the sound, like nature's white noise machine, reminding me that even in the dark, even in his sleep, he was always there. 


If you are going through a separation or divorce here's a video what I did on how we're trying to co-parent positively.




Women I love writing about separation: 
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31 comments

  1. I'm so sorry to hear of your heartache at this present time. It's the little things, the things that get overlooked, that really make up "life". Thank you for this lovely reminder #PoCoLo

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  2. This is such a beautiful post. In our darkest hours when things aren't brilliant with my husband, and it happens when you've been with someone for 11 years (or not even that long!), I remind myself to think about what life would be like without him. Relationships are impossibly difficult. Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts and I hope it's helped you even if just a little X #PoCoLo

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    1. Thank you. They ARE impossibly difficult but worth it x

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  3. Been there. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I thought my world was ending when I divorced 2 years ago, and now I'm in the best marriage of my life with another man. Thank you for reminding me to appreciate those little things today. <3

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    1. Oh, I'm so pleased for you. Stay blessed x

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  4. Beautiful and honest, and so so true. But it does get better and even though you may not think now, there are plenty more people to corrupt with unhealthy snacks. Now isn't that a mission for life? Hope you take care of yourself and that you know there's lots of us here rooting for you, and those snacks. Thanks for sharing with #PoCoLo x

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    1. Tee hee! Thanks Stephanie - snacks for everyone :)

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  5. thank you for being so honest about the journey you are currently on. I tend to trust the advice of those who take time to reflect on the rights and the not so rights that happened in their relationship.

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    1. Thanks, I think I have to reflect if I want to learn.

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  6. I'm sorry to hear about your separation but it's so nice that you are different, you are remembering with love all the good parts of your marriage. Most of the people go from love to hate, I admire you for not being one of those persons.

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    1. Thank you, I appreciate that. I let you into a little secret, I think it's far less effort to love :)

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  7. I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through, sending hugs! :)

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  8. Stay strong sweetie pie!
    All those things you can find with someone eventually & heck, even do it with friends <3

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  9. I love your honesty. I think so often it's the little things you almost don't notice when they are happening that we miss when they are gone. Much love your way.

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    1. Thank you, that is very much the case

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  10. but do you know how much I heart you??? I do. and I cried. I cried a little cry. I can't be your actual ten min provider but I am ALWAYS here for the virtual ten mins, when you need them xx

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    1. Virtual is wonderful. Hearts and hugs x

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  11. It is hard making any transition, thank you for sharing yours. I am sure there are some who have gained strength from this post.

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  12. Very honest and imagine the little things you first wouldn't consider in the midst of a separation. I work for a family law firm so your video was very interesting. #pocolo

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  13. What a touching and genuine post! I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this at the moment. I am sure everyone is saying this but it will get better.

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  14. Aw I am sorry you are going through this and it is such an honest post that even if your ex sees it, he might bring you that cold cup of tea x

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  15. I am sorry to hear that you are going through a break up, hope you start feeling more positive soon x

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  16. Pretty sure you made me eat a doughnut the other day... Love you

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    1. And did you see how sneaky I was about it ;) Love you right back x

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  17. Sorry to hear your going through a rubbish time it does get easier. I hated having to adjust to it being just means the kids but I got there

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  18. It's wonderfully refreshing in these bleak times to read such positivity about a, well, not-great situation. People can moan all too easily, whereas you have written such a beautiful post. You're obviously a very special person!

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  19. Oh Hun, I'm sorry you're going through this. But you're right, there are loads of things that I take for granted. Thanks for making me see it. Xx
    Thanks for linking to #pocolo

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