It can be a brand new day at any time


I woke up before 8AM yesterday. I know this because my eyes opened before my alarm went off and my alarm had been set for 8AM. I felt sleepily smug because the night before I had decided that 'good girls' get up before 8AM. Actually, I believe good girls get up before 7AM but I had stayed up until 1AM watching 'Iyanla Fix My Life'. For the uninitiated 'Iyanla Fix My Life' is a show in which the eponymous Iyanla (two parts therapist, one part fire and brimstone preacher), enters the life of a broken or beaten down individual or family and, as the title suggests, fixes it. If I don't have the will to sort out my own crap, watching other people sort out theirs seems like the next best thing. Anyway good girls get up before 7AM but they also get seven hours sleep, so I settled with 8AM. And then there I was smashing through my own expectations; I had bought back time. I had bought back life! What was I going to do with it all!? I thought about going to the zumba class that has been in my diary for a few weeks; I knew I had to deep clean my grotty flat; I thought about doing some yoga; then I thought about my sister chasing a dog down the road, and then I thought that's weird my sister doesn't have a dog, and then I realised I had fallen asleep again. That's when the self loathing set in.

What to do when you're feeling not good enough, obviously stay in bed, scroll through Instagram and fill your low self esteem bucket with images of hashtag perfection. Following which I concluded that I had blown it, and it was a waste of time trying, and I might as well potter and procrastinate and start again tomorrow. So that's what I started to do. And I'm good at that. Then with an hour left before I had to pick up my son I thought, what would I tell him? I'd say, 'don't worry little man you can do so many amazing things in an hour!' In an hour I couldn't clean my still grotty flat but I could make one portion of it palatable. Given that the sun was shining I made the decision to spruce up my garden and just to be clear by 'garden', I mean postage stamp sized yard and by 'my' I mean, my landlords. Was it the most urgent thing I needed to do, no but creating a space in which I could sit and enjoy the sunshine would create the greatest change in the least amount of time. I did some sweeping and weeding and soon I had my own little oasis and it felt good. I got a couple of hours in the sunshine but also more - the knowledge that it can be a brand new day at any time, how will you start yours? 
Mummascribbles

2 comments

  1. This is so true! That reset button is always within reach!

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  2. This is a great read and something to think about always. So many days can feel like a failure but we can just start again! Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

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