Where is the best place to find a new partner?


A question - do you want one? I mean do you really, really want one. Do you want one like you want deep fried carbs after six glasses of cheap white? Do you want one like you wanted Joey to end up with Pacey at the end of Dawson's Creek? I mean really, truly want it; wake up in the morning wanting it, go to sleep at night needing it, stumble through life barely able to function for the partner shaped hole in your existence because unless this is the case you might want to consider not worrying your lovely head about the best place to find a partner because finding one is W.E.R.K and having one is A.N.N.O.Y.I.N.G. 

You could channel all the positive energy you would put into your hunt towards work or art or online shopping and the pay offs would probably be much bigger. Don't tell me I'm bitter; don't tell me I'm cynical; don't ask me if I have PMT (I DO NOT. I AM FINE. I JUST HAPPEN TO BE STARTING MY PERIOD IN TWO DAYS. AND WHAT?) because you know that whenever you go for a catch up with the girls at least sixty percent of drinking time is dedicated to how haaaaaard it is to get a relationship or keep a relationship or end a relationship or manage a relationship that has recently ended and isn't being a grown up difficult enough already? 

And OK I'm a hypocrite because I have a partner right now but let me say this, I don't think I found him by looking in the right or wrong places; I think he found me when I became ready for a partner. Finished heaving? Yes, that was majorly smug but you must admit you hear it all the time -  love shows up when you're not looking for it. This doesn't mean hide in your house for long enough and Channing Tatum will knock at the door (for one he's with Jessie J, so you can let that one go now), it means someone will rock up right when you're in the middle of LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE®. And that means doing stuff you genuinely love, things that light you up; make you giggle to yourself in checkout queues, and also, when you're doing that stuff you give off all these good vibes and good vibes are hella sexy. Don't complain that there's no one to date on your darts team or in your knitting circle  or whatever it is that gets you off the sofa because the people you meet doing those things - they have cousins, they throw parties - you could be one one casual acquaintance away from the love of your life. 

If for whatever reason you are prevented from indulging in your favourite pastimes, let's say you have some pesky, selfish kids that require supervision, I think the most practical way to meet people is online. The internet isn't always the most romantic place to hang out (unless you find unsolicited penis pictures swoonworthy) but it saves a lot of time - you can tell people what you want and assess what they're offering without even showering. I've shared my experience of online dating before and the only thing I would add is to write a list of what you would like in a partner and make it very short, include only the core values you require on your Team Romance. It's useful to know what you want, it's even more useful to ensure it exists. I learned the hard way about unrealistic expectations when dating. Learned so much, in fact, that I wrote a book about it. The Reinvention of Martha Ross is launching in paperback as 'The Single Mum's Wish List' and is a Kindle Daily Deal on Thursday 21st February so if you do decide to jack in the finding a partner thing, you could read that instead. 




1 comment

  1. I was just talking to my other half and asking him where he'd look for a new me if we ever split up (we've been together for 17 years, we're allowed to talk like this I swear!) and he said probably through a hobby or recommendation from a friend of a friend. I think I'd go down the internet dating route, maybe a bit of swiping left!?

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