I have this theory that parents have
no choice but to have anxiety about their children. Like, the moment you become
responsible for another human you’re awarded a substantial anxiety retainer which
must be allocated to something at any given moment. If things are generally
good – your child is healthy, your home is secure – the anxiety allocation is
still available to be distributed and it makes sense that you might land on eating.
Food is a basic need, failing to feed your child feels like flunking out of
introductory parenting; at the same time, it’s an arena that’s difficult to
control. You can take the mountain to Mohammed but if Mohammed looks at said
mound and says, Urgh, yucky!’ whatcha gonna do?
What I’m trying to say it that
veg is good, veg is great, lets all aim for the five, seven, nine or whatever
number of portions the government reckon we should be consuming each day but
veg is not love; veg is not freedom, a life without veg is a life worth
living. There are many children with severe eating issues, issues that result
in malnutrition and growth problems but the vast majority of parents that worry
about peas do not have these children, they have healthy, energetic, strong
willed kids that don’t eat peas. In summary, if you are worried about vegetables
but you have access to fresh veg and the finances to purchase it, you don’t have
much to worry about at all. Not only this but your stress will create a bigger
problem because your child will begin to associate green beans with angst and
carrots with conflict and end up having nightmares about kale chasing them down
the street.
What to do? Buy a multivitamin, Bassets chewables are like sweets,
and then give up. Focus on all the other issues that come along with being a
parent in this scary, dark society we’ve all played a part in creating. I’m not
saying to abandon the idea of veg, keep them in rotation, by all means eat
plenty yourself, goodness knows you’ll need the energy. If you have the patience
for it sneak them into sauces and smoothies but don’t beat yourself up about it
if you can’t. Those other parents with happy eaters – their time will come.
When my son started solids he ate anything, any darn thing. I was so smug about
his ultra-mature palate; so eager to shout about all the olives and mushrooms
and asparagus he was mainlining. These days, if it ain’t beige, it ain’t safe
and I’ve steeled myself for many more protests. This is the start of a litany of
battles, when your child complains, tell them to pick out the sweetcorn and
then change the subject, when they learn that their eating habits are no longer
getting under your skin, they’ll move onto something else. Children are only happy when they’re
tormenting you – don’t make it easy for them.
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